Gary

How can I get my men spiritually connected at the level of their walk with Christ so they are not so alone in their spiritual battles?

A. Have a clear picture of your goal: Every man meeting regularly with one or two other brothers for encouragement and accountability in their spiritual battles.

B. Recognize that each of your men can be placed on a continuum of male connection in your church that might look like this:

<< Know No one << Acquaintances >> Friends >> Brothers

1. Acquaintances are those whose name you know
2. Friends are those with whom you participate in some activity. It might be the softball team, board of deacons, or Bible study. Friends socialize and share common values.
3. Closer friends are those you might have over to your home or might have lunch with during the work week.
4. We’re using “brothers” here to refer to men who know what is happening at the level of each other’s soul. They are able to encourage and pray for each other because they know each other’s spiritual battles. As this “brother” relationship deepens, they begin to ask to be held accountable for their actions.

C. Realize that getting men to the point where they are connected as brothers is a process that takes time. Trust must be built before men reveal what is going on inside. Usually this process takes years. It rarely happens automatically. Rather, the men’s ministry must be intentional about helping men move from the no relationships, or superficial relationships (left) to connection with a brother or two at the level of their spiritual lives (right side of continuum).

D. Men find it easiest to build friendships when they are shoulder to shoulder working together to accomplish a common task. Keep this principle in mind especially as you plan events for the least connected men-those on the left side of the continuum.

E. Although working together as a team to accomplish an objective is the most natural way men connect, we must recognize that our natural tendency in that connection is to be superficial. Christian men must be challenged to overcome their natural masculine desire for autonomy, i.e. be intentional about building relationships with other Christian men. We are to be so connected to some brothers that we confess our sins to one another (James 5:16), consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, (Heb. 10:24), and depend daily upon one another (I Cor. 12:21).

F. As you design activities for your men’s ministry, always:

1. Know which group on this continuum of male connection you are targeting
2. Include a component to help men connect at some level.
3. For example:

   a. Follow up the softball season with a funny, well done, awards banquet. Be sure that any newcomers to the team are personally invited by other team members and given a place to sit with them. The banquet could be structured with a contest so that each table has to work together to come up with their answers to the game questions.

   b. Seminars such as Success that Matters or Great Dads have excellent 6 week follow up small group studies. These studies are safe because they review material heard at the seminar and because they are only six weeks long. Such groups give men a taste of connection and they may decide to keep meeting after the 6 weeks is over.

G. One of the best ways to get men connected at the level of their soul is a men’s Bible Study or large-group presentation, with table discussion afterward.

1. Man In the Mirror has many excellent resources for men’s Bible study, including DVD series of Pat speaking and follow up discussion questions. Click here to visit their website.
2. You can check out our bookstore for men’s Bible studies by clicking here.
3. However, we must recognize the limitations of men’s Bible studies –Monthly studies can do very little to help men connect at the level of their everyday lives because they meet too infrequently –Weekly men’s studies rarely reach more than 15% of the men in the congregation and often fizzle out. Couples’ home groups compete with such men’s groups. Also, men do not like coming home from work and going back out to a weekly study. –Often men’s small groups that do exist are more about sharing opinions than about fighting spiritual battles. They are 80% study with prayer requests tacked onto the end.

H. Consider using another structure for helping men connect as brothers-Check 6 Partnerships. (Note: “I’ll check your six” is military language for, “I’ve got your back.”)

1. Check 6 Partnerships are:

–Not a couples’ group, but a band of brothers

–Not a 2 hour Bible study, but a 1 hour breakfast,lunch, or phone call

–Not an evening away from your family, but an hour fromyour work day

–Not 6-8 guys, but 2-4 guys

–Not focused on learning, but focused on fighting

–Not based on a meeting agenda that generates opinions, but a meeting agenda that generates connection as brothers

2. There is great Biblical precedent for such relationships:

–Jesus and the inner three

–Elijah and Elisha

–David and Jonathan

–Paul and Timothy

–Peter and Mark

3. For more information on Check 6 Partnerships go to www.forgingbonds.org

How can I be better equipped for men’s ministry?

A. Sign Up for Get In the Game–the PCA E-letter on Men’s Ministry

B. Take the 15 minute Man in the Mirror On-line training course (click here http://www.maninthemirror.org/.

C. Read and study No Man Left Behind. (order from PCA Bookstore)

D. Take your men’s ministry leadership team to a “No Man Left Behind” training seminar (click here— http://www.maninthemirror.org/click on training center

E. Click here if you would like a 30 minute phone call from a men’s ministry coach gyagel@forgingbonds.org

Grace On Tap

“For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth camethrough Jesus Christ” John 1:17

During the Great Awakening Jonathan Edwards was leading a massive prayer meeting of over eight hundred men when he received a message from a wife requesting that the men pray for her husband, whose “spiritual pride had led him to be unloving, prideful, and difficult.” Thinking that perhaps the husband was in attendance at the prayer meeting, Edwards read the prayer request to the eight hundred men, then asked if the man who had been described would raise his hand so that the rest of the men could pray for him. Three hundred men raised their hands.

A foundational principle in men’s ministry is recognizing that even though our men know Christ died for their sins, many, perhaps most, still feel too dirty and sinful to be loved by a holy God. No matter how good our programs are, how rich our Biblical insights may be, or how successful we are at helping men better connect, our men’s ministry will fall flat if our men’s guilt and failure make them doubt God’s love for them. Like Adam and Eve, their shame will drive them away from God unless their Christian life is built on the foundation of grace.

During a British conference on comparative religions, experts from around the world debated what belief, if any, was unique to the Christian faith. They discussed the fact that other religions had some form of incarnation, and accounts of someone returning from the dead. The debate continued until C. S. Lewis wandered into the room. Lewis asked what the rumpus was about, and heard that his colleagues were discussing Christianity’s uniqueness among world religions. Lewis responded, “Oh, that’s easy. It’s grace.”

Every other religion teaches that we must earn God’s favor. In fact, just about every part of the world where our men live is about rewards they receive based upon their efforts. They pass their classes in school, find a good job, get promotions, and even win the heart of their wife through their effort. They know well the axiom, “there are no free lunches.”

The problem is that if they bring this “I have to earn God’s favor” attitude into their walk with God, it will destroy their potential for spiritual growth. They will focus on fixing their behavior, which will only lead to frustration, further guilt, and even anger with the God who demands perfection. Nothing poisons spiritual growth more than the inner belief that I have to be good so that God will love me.

The only way true spiritual growth takes place is for me to know that God loves me unconditionally despite my sin. Then my heart is free to respond to God’s love with my love. I become motivated to follow his commandments not to earn his love but out of gratefulness for the love I already have! A long term disciple-making ministry for men must reach their hearts. That is why we must create an atmosphere in our men’s ministry where men are taking constant gulps of grace.

Article originally part of “Get in the Game”
a periodic email communication from CEP
October / November 2008 Vol. 4 No.4

Antarctic Explorer, Ernest Shackleton, posted this advertisement in 1913: “Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages. Bitter cold. Long months of complete darkness. Constant danger. Safe return doubtful. Honor and recognition in case of success.” More than five thousand men applied for twenty-six slots. Shakleton understood what motivates men!

Men want to invest their lives in a great cause. They are drawn to a mission that is worthy of their highest devotion-and draws from them the willingness to make whatever sacrifice is required, (witness the fine young men laying down their lives in Iraq.)

If the message our men hear from the church is that the essence of their calling as Christ-followers is to be nice guys-kind, avoiding porn, finding a wife, getting a job, coming to church-their commitment to Christ will be half-hearted at best. This is especially true of our young men.

We must constantly strive to help men see that there is no greater mission than to be a part of God’s grand redemption of the cosmos, fighting Satan and his minions, being the first-fruits of the new creation, putting the values of the kingdom on display in our own lives, and invading every square inch of planet earth with the gospel of the kingdom of Christ! That is why I want again to draw your attention to the book, Making Kingdom Disciples. Here are a few more excerpts:

“If we have a right concept of the kingdom of God, a biblical world-and-life-view will be the natural outcome. A.A Milne, famous for his Winnie the Pooh stories, wrote a novel entitled “Two People” which focuses on Mr. Pump. Mr Pump was a haberdasher and a very devoutly religious man. He was so religious in fact that he would not dare carry his religion into the marketplace because it was too sacred. To illustrate this, he had two hats, one for his marketplace role and another for his Sunday morning churchgoing role. Mr. Pump was right to see a distinction between the church and the marketplace, but he was wrong to create a sacred/secular division by suggesting that the two do not mix.

This story serves to help us understand that in this life we do have somewhat of a dual role. On the one hand it does appear that Christians wear two hats, but on the other hand, and more correctly, we wear only one hat. We are to be “in the world, but not of the world.” We are members of both God’s kingdom and his church. We may say that we wear two hats because there is a difference between the two; however, on the other hand we clearly wear only one hat because Christ is Lord over all.

There are many well-meaning churchgoers who think like Mr. Pump. They think they are to serve the Lord on Sunday, but one has to be a professional clergyman or staff member to serve the Lord during the week in some church-related ministry. Selling clothes, keeping house, and teaching school, are not religious or sacred activities, but secular occupations that have no religious connotation.

Understanding the all-inclusiveness of the kingdom will remind us that everything we do is a religious activity and is to be done to the glory of God.

Article originally part of “Get in the Game”
a periodic email communication from CEP
March/April 2008 Vol. 4 No.2

Ministry That Appeals to Men

Pop Quiz: Examine these two sets of values. Which one better characterizes Jesus Christ and his true followers?

Left Set	Right Set
Competence	Love
Power	Communication
Efficiency	Beauty
Achievement	Relationships
Skills	Support
Proving oneself	Help
Results	Nurture
Accomplishment	Feelings
Objects	Sharing
Technology	Relating
Goal oriented	Harmony
Self-sufficiency	Community
Success	Loving cooperation
Competition	Personal Expression

David Murrow, author of the book, Why Men Hate Going To Church, has shown this chart to hundreds of people, men and women, Christians and non-Christians. More than 95% of the time respondents chose the Right Set as the better representation of true Christian values. Murrow then tells his readers that he took the two sets of values from the book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. The Left Set are the values of Mars. The Right Set are the values of Venus. What is clear from this exercise is that when most people think of Christ and his followers, they think of feminine values.

Few of us would agree with everything Murrow says, but his point deserves profound thought. Which set of values most reflects what our churches are teaching about the Christian faith? Does Scripture actually teach that the right side values are more godly than the left side? If the church exalts the right side over the left, what message is it sending to boys and men about their masculinity?

This is a serious issue. Is it possible that today’s church has developed a culture that drives men away by asking them to check their masculinity at the door? This is Murrow’s thesis and it is well worth thinking about. Order Why Men Hate Going to Church.

Called to Sexual Integrity
“Lust Reigns Where Repentance Is Incomplete”

Article originally appeared in “Get in the Game”
a periodic email communication from CEP

October/November 2007 Vol. 3 No.5

Recently a friend’s eight year old son confided in him about his time management problems. “Dad, with all my video games to play and friends I want to play outside with, I just don’t have time for school.” School just didn’t seem to fit into his schedule.

Sometimes Christian men who are losing their battles with lust are looking for a quick and easy solution that will fit comfortably into their schedule. “Give me three steps for winning this battle for sexual purity and I will take them next Thursday afternoon at 3:00 and get this problem solved.” In a world where Yankee ingenuity allows us to read license plates from outer space and put 500 songs on something the size of a credit card, we expect to quickly solve our problems. But instant solutions to spiritual problems simply don’t exist.

Heart transformation can only take place through our union with Christ-and it is a life long cycle that requires repentance, faith, and obedience. Often this process is subverted because of incomplete repentance, so we are looking carefully at this Biblical concept through the lens of 1) mental assent-agreeing with God’s verdict, 2) our core affections-satisfying our hearts in God and hating evil, and 3) our actions-surrendering our will to Christ.

Surrendering our will to Christ is an integral part of repentance, yet surrendering to the will of Christ is what we feel so powerless to do, when lust is awakened. There is, however, no way to avoid the agonizing pull of temptation and no way to escape the battle over saying, “Not my will but yours be done.”

This battle to yield to Christ is easier to win, though, when we remember these truths:”

1. This pull of temptation is a chance to demonstrate our loyalty to our redeemer and king. “You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” 1Corinth. 6:19-20.

2. It is in remembering God’s mercy to us that we find power to surrender our bodies to God as a living sacrifice. “Therefore I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices-holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship.” Rom. 12:1. It is God’s grace to us that motivates obedience.

3. Surrendering to Christ’s Lordship does not mean trying to deny the pull of sexual desire; it is entrusting your sexual appetite to God. It is trusting God to satisfy your sexual longings in a righteous way-and it is “those who hunger and thirst for righteousness” who “will be satisfied, not those who seek satisfaction in an unrighteous way.

4. We need to have the dignity to refuse to let sexual desire rule us. Slavery destroys human dignity. We need the dignity and sound theology to say, I wasn’t meant for slavery. I was created a king, made in God’s image to rule-not to be dominated, enslaved by some force like sexual sin. Christ, the second Adam, has set us free from our bondage to sin. We need to have the passion of freedom fighters to never again let ourselves be enslaved. “Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires.” Rom. 6:12

Heart transformation begins with full repentance, which is involves the mind – agreeing with God’s verdict, the emotions-realizing that our root issue is not loving our God enough, and the will – changing directions and surrendering to Christ’s Lordship. There are no easy shortcuts to sexual purity, but there can be a gradual heart transformation that makes us more inclined to surrender to his will. Click here to order The Called to Sexual Integrity Bible Studies