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Ministry That Appeals to Men

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Ministry That Appeals to Men

Pop Quiz: Examine these two sets of values. Which one better characterizes Jesus Christ and his true followers?
















Left Set Right Set

Competence

Love

Power

Communication

Efficiency

Beauty

Achievement

Relationships

Skills

Support

Proving oneself

Help

Results

Nurture

Accomplishment

Feelings

Objects

Sharing

Technology

Relating

Goal oriented

Harmony

Self-sufficiency

Community

Success

Loving cooperation

Competition

Personal Expression

David Murrow, author of the book, Why Men Hate Going To Church, has shown this chart to hundreds of people, men and women, Christians and non-Christians. More than 95% of the time respondents chose the Right Set as the better representation of true Christian values. Murrow then tells his readers that he took the two sets of values from the book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. The Left Set are the values of Mars. The Right Set are the values of Venus. What is clear from this exercise is that when most people think of Christ and his followers, they think of feminine values.

Few of us would agree with everything Murrow says, but his point deserves profound thought. Which set of values most reflects what our churches are teaching about the Christian faith? Does Scripture actually teach that the right side values are more godly than the left side? If the church exalts the right side over the left, what message is it sending to boys and men about their masculinity?

This is a serious issue. Is it possible that today’s church has developed a culture that drives men away by asking them to check their masculinity at the door? This is Murrow’s thesis and it is well worth thinking about. Order Why Men Hate Going to Church.

Called to Sexual Integrity: Repentance – 5

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Called to Sexual Integrity
“Lust Reigns Where Repentance Is Incomplete”

Article originally appeared in “Get in the Game”
a periodic email communication from CEP
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October/November 2007 Vol. 3 No.5


Recently a friend’s eight year old son confided in him about his time management problems. “Dad, with all my video games to play and friends I want to play outside with, I just don’t have time for school.” School just didn’t seem to fit into his schedule.

Sometimes Christian men who are losing their battles with lust are looking for a quick and easy solution that will fit comfortably into their schedule. “Give me three steps for winning this battle for sexual purity and I will take them next Thursday afternoon at 3:00 and get this problem solved.” In a world where Yankee ingenuity allows us to read license plates from outer space and put 500 songs on something the size of a credit card, we expect to quickly solve our problems. But instant solutions to spiritual problems simply don’t exist.

Heart transformation can only take place through our union with Christ-and it is a life long cycle that requires repentance, faith, and obedience. Often this process is subverted because of incomplete repentance, so we are looking carefully at this Biblical concept through the lens of 1) mental assent-agreeing with God’s verdict, 2) our core affections-satisfying our hearts in God and hating evil, and 3) our actions-surrendering our will to Christ.

Surrendering our will to Christ is an integral part of repentance, yet surrendering to the will of Christ is what we feel so powerless to do, when lust is awakened. There is, however, no way to avoid the agonizing pull of temptation and no way to escape the battle over saying, “Not my will but yours be done.”

This battle to yield to Christ is easier to win, though, when we remember these truths:”

1. This pull of temptation is a chance to demonstrate our loyalty to our redeemer and king. “You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” 1Corinth. 6:19-20.

2. It is in remembering God’s mercy to us that we find power to surrender our bodies to God as a living sacrifice. “Therefore I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices-holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship.” Rom. 12:1. It is God’s grace to us that motivates obedience.

3. Surrendering to Christ’s Lordship does not mean trying to deny the pull of sexual desire; it is entrusting your sexual appetite to God. It is trusting God to satisfy your sexual longings in a righteous way-and it is “those who hunger and thirst for righteousness” who “will be satisfied, not those who seek satisfaction in an unrighteous way.

4. We need to have the dignity to refuse to let sexual desire rule us. Slavery destroys human dignity. We need the dignity and sound theology to say, I wasn’t meant for slavery. I was created a king, made in God’s image to rule-not to be dominated, enslaved by some force like sexual sin. Christ, the second Adam, has set us free from our bondage to sin. We need to have the passion of freedom fighters to never again let ourselves be enslaved. “Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires.” Rom. 6:12

Heart transformation begins with full repentance, which is involves the mind – agreeing with God’s verdict, the emotions-realizing that our root issue is not loving our God enough, and the will – changing directions and surrendering to Christ’s Lordship. There are no easy shortcuts to sexual purity, but there can be a gradual heart transformation that makes us more inclined to surrender to his will. Click here to order The Called to Sexual Integrity Bible Studies

Stewardship: Squaring Lifestyle with Theology

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If you have ever done a woodworking project you know that getting it square is vitally important. You can have all the measurements right (theology), but if you do not make them square and level they will not fit together perfectly and be as functional as they should be (lifestyle). A Christian/biblical worldview is foundational to building a lifestyle that is a glory to God, and stewardship is what you build upon that foundation, whether it is gold, silver, precious stones, or wood, hay, and straw. Each one’s work will be manifest by fire in that Day (II Cor.3:10ff.).

It is interesting that some of Jesus’ last teachings before going to the cross concerned His second coming and the judgment to follow. He also taught in this context about what was expected of those who were servants and stewards in the Kingdom of God. “As were the days of Noah, so will be the coming of the son of Man…Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect” (Mt.24:37,44).

There is one special story Jesus told about a servant whom the Master set over his household and asked the question as to whether the servant was wise or wicked. Here we find some lessons about stewardship that will help our lifestyle fit with our theology. First, it teaches us that stewardship is about identity, namely that we must see ourselves as stewards/servants who belong to the Master. If we get this wrong then our whole lifestyle of stewardship will not be perfectly square. The Creator/owner of all creation is the Sovereign Lord. This is seen in such familiar texts as Psalms 24:1; 50: All mankind is a servant/steward in the Kingdom of God with a creation mandate as image bearers to rule and oversee all that the Lord has put in our care (Psa.8:4-9).

Since we live in a prosperous and materialistic culture, the question Jesus poses is very pertinent for Christians today. “Who is a faithful and wise servant whom his Master made ruler over his household?” The vain philosophies of this world blur the lines of distinction between ownership and stewardship. How often do Christians fall into thinking they are owners of all they possess and manage in their lives? Are they more concerned about being image-bearers or image-makers? The more possessions one is able to gain and control, the more important that person begins to feel, and the greater he sees his self-image as being successful. Thoughts of ownership tend to creep into one’s thinking the more a person accumulates.

Click here to read entire publication in PDF (Acrobat Reader required)

The danger of this misperception of identity leads to a materialistic and hedonistic lifestyle. The Lord teaches about these dangers in other parables such as the rich farmer who had such a bumper crop that he sought to build bigger and better barns, and eat, drink, and be merry. Are you more interested in building the servant-image of Christ in yourself, or making an image of worldly success? The late missionary Jim Elliot said, “He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep in order to gain what he cannot lose.”

A second aspect of stewardship is about character and its impact on the servant’s involvement in carrying out his duties. The traits that the Master is looking for in his servants are faithfulness and wisdom.

The Lord sees these as two essential characteristics of a servant. When a person understands and accepts his role as a servant of the Lord then he will understand how important these two traits are. Stewardship is about responsibility and accountability.

What responsibilities does a servant manage? There are several that come to mind. One is time, another is things.

The servant in the parable in Mt.24:45-51 has an assignment for that interval of time when the Master is away. As Christians today that means we are to be managing the time between the Lord’s ascension and his coming again. Time is an un-renewable resource available to us; it is important to manage it well by setting priorities for what we are called to do. The parable specified that the servant over the household of the Master was to give to the other members of the household their food at the proper time. He was to faithfully carry out this duty on a daily basis. As stewards in the Kingdom of God, Paul admonishes us to redeem the time in these evil days. Time and watchfulness are the essence of stewardship effectiveness.

The steward needed to be wise in the manner in which he carried out this task. (You will find that in Acts 6 those who were the prototype of deacons were to be men full of the Holy Spirit and wisdom.) You might think a diaconal task seemed to be rather mundane, and not requiring much wisdom, but it is little things that the wise do not leave unattended, and the Lord says that if this servant is found to be faithful in even a small task that he would be rewarded with greater responsibility upon the Master’s return. A wise steward builds on the foundation of his faith, gold, silver, and precious stones.

The servant was using the resources the Master had given him for the good of those in the household, and so should it be in the household of faith. Stewardship is about managing resources, and giving to the needs of other members in the body of Christ. It is also about sharing the treasure of the gospel with those who have not yet heard the good news, as Paul says in I Cor.4:1-2,”This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found trustworthy.”

The problem today with so many Christians is they have cut their theological planks straight, but they have not been faithful and wise in the discharge of their duties as assigned by the Master. Some look like the wicked servant in Mt. 24:48. What are some of the common excuses Christians give? They are too busy with their own households to be able to give time to ministry in the church. Others are prone to laziness, not interested in going to the fields to reap the harvest. Procrastination grips the minds of others because there is not a sense of urgency to carry out the mission given by the Lord. It is the syndrome of the wicked servant who thinks that the Master has delayed his coming, and therefore he will quench his own desires first. Leaders particularly need to watch themselves against making such excuses, and thus failing in their stewardship.

When you look at a faithful and wise servant you will see he manages well because he knows there will come a time when he will be held accountable. He is looking and watching for that day. “Blessed is that servant whom his master will find so doing when he comes” (Mt. 24:46). Remember the words of Jesus, “Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect,” followed by “the master of the servant (wicked) will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he does not know.” Christians today need to take heed to the warnings by the Lord to evaluate their stewardship responsibilities. The character of a steward is to be diligent, watchful, trustworthy, and responsible.

Stewardship is also about investing.This is not about the “name it, claim it” prosperity gospel that is being preached in some circles. The kind of investing that Jesus is teaching is investing in heaven, which involves giving here on earth to provide for Kingdom work and meeting the needs of others. A good example is seen in the early church in Acts 2 and 4.The generosity of the believers was a testimony of the power of the gospel. Their theology and lifestyle were in square. They preached and they gave, and the Lord added to the church those who were being saved.

James the brother of Jesus writes a warning to those whose interests are purely selfish, “You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions… Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God?” (James 4:3, 4).

Then he follows in chapter 5:1-3:”Come now, you rich weep and howl for the miseries that are coming upon you. Your riches have rotted and your garments are moth-eaten. Your gold and silver have corroded, and their corrosion will be evidence against you and will eat your flesh like fire. You have laid up treasure in the last days.”

James goes on to tell about their failure (in stewardship) to care for the needs of those who were their responsibility. What a lesson this ought to be for Christians today. Jesus’ words about laying up treasure in heaven rather than upon this earth need to be proclaimed with great urgency.

Pay attention to the following missionary’s story about a businessman traveling in Korea. The businessman saw a young man pulling a plow with an elderly man following. “May I take a picture of them?” he asks the missionary.

“Yes,” was the quiet reply, “those two men happen to be Christians. When their church was being built they wanted to give something, they had no money so they sold their one ox. This spring they are pulling the plow themselves.”

The businessman said, “That must have been a real sacrifice.”

“They did not call it that, they thought of themselves fortunate they had an ox to sell,” said the missionary.

When the businessman returned home he showed the picture to his pastor. Then he said, “I want to double my giving to the church and do some plow work.”

According to most surveys of Christians today, if they were to double their giving it still would not amount to ten percent. As a steward, are you building a lifestyle that squares with your theology?

Biblical Discipleship

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By Susan Beck

The strategy for this purpose, and for all of Christian education, is found in the Titus 2 Mandate, given to the pastor of the church. Biblical discipleship is rooted in God’s Word, sharing life-on-life and precept-upon-precept.

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be reviled.

Susan Beck, PCA teaching elder’s wife, was taught and encouraged to live out this purpose and strategy. Susan has been given multiple opportunities to be engaged in biblical discipleship relationships to the next generation.

Spiritual Mothering, Missions and Me

After 26 years in the PCA, 23 of which were spent as a church planter’s wife, I’ve heard just a little bit about the principles of Titus 2 and spiritual mothering. I always felt this is something I should do, not realizing that God was already using me.

When I was a young pastor-church planter’s wife, a friend and I co-led a study, Spiritual Mothering, by Susan Hunt. I readily accepted the concept that we can all be spiritual mothers, regardless of our age, all of us being older than somebody, but I had my hands full at the time with four daughters – the next generation! There was little time or opportunity to invest in other women. But God was planting seeds.

When Stephen and I moved to Toronto, Canada, to plant a downtown church, my heart beat especially for the university-age crowd. Although a quiet individual, I loved opening our home to groups. Saturday evenings saw our home crowded with up to 50 young adults from the “twentysomethings” ministry; we spent many evenings afterwards talking one-on-one. An ongoing stream of exchange students from around the world invaded my private space, and I noticed that many of those young women were looking to me for the nurture, stability, and warmth of a mother. The seeds were starting to sprout.

Five years ago, we made the decision to move to Germany, for Stephen to begin teaching at the Freie Theologische Akademie north of Frankfurt, the largest evangelical seminary in Germany, and the only one that adheres to the inerrancy of Scripture. Unlike our earlier move to Toronto, I accepted this move grudgingly, feeling angry and disillusioned with life. That motivated me to start a Bible study of Galatians with a close friend. Technology made it possible for us to “meet” regularly to chat online over issues related to the transforming power of God’s grace.

Strangely, the journey of breaking my heart brought me to a place of contentment in Christ that I had never known before. The Gospel poured water on the sprouts, and they grew. God prepared me to encounter this new culture with a new boldness in my heart and character.

Now I am understanding the will of God in our call to Germany: He has placed me in a setting in which 95% of my contacts are with younger adults and in which I am an “empty-nester.” He has placed me into a culture where a Germanic sense of orderliness and Lutheran pietism makes for a form of Christianity, often a mere outward “spirituality” (not unique to Germans!). Stephen and I are blessed to live at the seminary, which means I have easy access to 40 younger women who are preparing for Christian ministry, many of whom long for interaction with an older woman who has experience in ministry. I participate in a fellowship of an additional 40 student wives, with some one-on-one counsel. Our passion is for newly planted churches to sprout up all over the land of the Reformation that is in desperate need for a second Reformation (only 2.5% evangelicals), and on Tuesday nights my husband and I mentor numerous individuals and couples God has raised up for the future task. My experience as a church planter’s wife, combined with biblical principles, enables me to develop gospel-centered prospective church planters’ wives. (And if I ever run out of women to spiritually mother, there is a university of 35,000 students across the street!) God has pushed me out of my natural comfort zone and given me freedom and boldness through the gospel; the opportunities for spiritual mothering are endless.

Spiritual Mothering: Teaching and Living God’s Truth

Fanny Gomez is a pastor’s wife from the Dominican Republic who, in God’s
sovereignty, came across the Biblical Foundations for Womanhood books. Through interaction with Susan Hunt and the Women in the Church office, Fanny was encouraged to attend 2006 Leadership Training, thus leading to a Dominican delegation of eight women and a pastor attending the 2006 Women’s International Conference. Fanny has taught The True Woman, and under the full support and encouragement of the pastors, she spearheaded the development of a women’s ministry with a heart for teaching the next generation. The following is an excerpt from a letter Fanny wrote about the challenge of having an open and teachable spirit to the truths she has been teaching others.

“We have finished studying The Legacy of Biblical Womanhood. The women gave testimonies about the benefits in their lives after studying it. This is the third book of The Biblical Foundations for Womanhood series that I have studied, and I feel that I am personally making all these truths about biblical womanhood mine. I have such a burden about sharing all of these with my sisters in Christ. Please continue to pray for our women’s ministry; we need more teachers or spiritual mothers.

In July my husband and I are moving to Santiago, an hour and a half from here. My husband has been traveling almost every Sunday for three years to preach in a church that has remained without a pastor. He loves this church; they have been praying for him to be their pastor for years. Last September our pastors talked to me to find out my thoughts about this possibility. My husband had a big desire of moving there, but not me. I had my reasons (but I also didn’t want to move) and exposed them to our pastors. I told them I was willing to submit myself to their decision. September to December were difficult months. My husband was sad because my heart was not beating with his about this, and I was sad because I was the cause of his sadness. I had to apply all I have been teaching about my helper design. I had to admit I didn’t want to leave all I have had here for years: my church, my family (mother and brothers), my friends, my children’s school, my house….What helped me is thinking of the truth from The True Woman: ‘The way of duty is the way of safety.’ Finally, I told my husband, ‘Eric, I will go with you, not only because I have to submit to you, but because I want to serve the Lord where He wants me to go, and I know that my calling depends on yours.’ The Lord has changed my attitude, and I am willing to support my husband and serve God where He wants me to be.

So my husband and I will move as missionaries of our church to Santiago. The women’s ministry will continue, and we will continue to work together, but my Bible study will be with the women in Santiago. My spiritual daughters are sad, but it’s been so good not to have a personality-driven ministry. I told them they have to continue teaching these truths to the next generation. This is not my responsibility; it is our responsibility. We can’t stop raising our voices!”

Five Reasons Men’s Ministry is So Hard

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5 Reasons Men’s Ministry Is So Hard

Unlike the other sub-groups in the church (children, teens, college kids, singles, women) most men are not motivated to come to church activities because they want to be with their friends. Kids and teens are often bored and want to hang out with their church friends. Singles want to find a mate. Women are naturally motivated to connect with other women. But men’s hard wiring takes us in the opposite direction–towards independence and isolation. Though we need connection with brothers at the spiritual level, being with friends is just not a strong motivation for most men–so they don’t show up just because a men’s event is planned.

Your men’s event takes men away from their homes. Many men already feel guilty about being away from home so much to do their jobs. Church ministries to women, teens, and children do not have to overcome this obstacle. To get a man to come to your event, you may have to overcome the guilt and pressure he feels NOT to be away from the family more.

Men spend their days in the work world where products and activities are assigned a bottom-line value. That is how he will see your men’s event. Most Christian men are loyal enough to their church to come to a special event targeted to men. But, it must be of high quality and have high value to him in order for him to come back consistently. It takes a lot of effort to provide well done, high value events for men. Many churches are not willing to invest the resources it takes to do men’s ministry well. The result is that their men don’t come to their men’s events.

For the 21st century man, time is often the commodity of highest value. An explosion of activities compete for his time, from Karate for his kids to 200 channels on TV, including sports channels that have games nearly 24 hours a day. The length of the American work day is the highest it has ever been, while commuting time is increasing. The 21st century man has less time that he is willing to devote to a men’s event than ever before.

The availability of graphic pornography at the click of a mouse means that more men are enslaved to secret sins than ever before. They are often not interested in men’s ministry because they feel guilty and fear being found out. As a church, we can not stand idly by and let this happen to our men. We must pay the price to design disciple-making ministries for men that will lead men out of their isolation!

Because building a discipleship ministry for men is so tough

  • It can not be done effectively with a half-hearted commitment.

  • It can not be done effectively without a wise, carefully thought out strategy.

  • It can not be sustained over the long haul without a trained, committed, lay men’s ministry leadership team to lead it.

  • It can not be done effectively without an investment of significant resources. Staff time, funding to train the men’s ministry leadership team, leaders who are freed from other church responsibilities, strategic time on the church calendar, funding for a men’s ministry library, funding for speakers and/or retreats, are just some of the resources it will take to be effective. (Now is the time that many church budgets are being formulated; make sure you get the funding you need to do ministry well in the coming year.)

  • It can not be done quickly. Pat Morley says it takes 10 years to build a strong, sustainable disciple-making ministry to men in the local church. Only tough, stout-hearted men who know how to persevere need apply for this job!

  • It is not for wimps, lightweights, or immature Christians who want instant success. The battle for men’s souls is an all-out war, and it requires an all-out effort!! Dare we give our Lord anything less!!

Called to Sexual Integrity: One Way God Changes Our Hearts – 4

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Called to Sexual Integrity
“One Way God Changes Our Hearts”

Reliable studies indicate that over half of the Christian men in America have a major struggle with the pull of temptation to look at pornography. As Reformed believers, we understand that the only answer to this struggle is the power of the gospel to transform our hearts. We understand that the Biblical approach to the battle with lust is heart transformation, not just superficial behavior modification.

In our last issue we emphasized that the root issue of sexual sin is idolatry. We are looking to the God of sexual pleasure to satisfy our hearts rather than looking to the one who says he is the answer to our deepest longings. But confessing our idolatry is only the starting point for heart transformation. There are many other Biblical principles that reveal how God changes our hearts. We discover, for example, that one way our Lord transforms our hearts is through obedience to Romans 12:9, “Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.”

God commands us to do something with our heart. That action is to hate. God wants us to develop a heart-felt hatred of our sexual sin and a passion for sexual purity. The way to hate sin is to realize how much pain and destruction it causes. Joe Dallas, who teaches the Every Man’s Battle Workshop writes:

“You should know by now that sexual sin ravages everyone connected with it. If you’re entertaining lust, you’re dancing on a cliff. Take concrete action now while you can. “Lust, when it is conceived, brings forth sin, and sin brings forth death” (James 1:15.)

To train his heart to hate sexual sin, one man wrote out the following list to meditate upon:

The Price Tag of Sexual Sin


1. The guilt of lust destroys your inner peace and temporarily breaks your communion with God.

“Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day and they hid from the LORD God. Genesis 3:8

2. Impurity steals the spiritual growth you need to be the spiritual leader your wife and kids need.

“Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.”

3. Your sexual sin brings shame on the name of Christ. Can God boast to Satan about your sexual purity?


“Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.”

4. Surrender to lust inflames your sexual desires making it harder to resist temptation next time.

  • The more you indulge your lustful appetite the stronger that appetite becomes.

  • You are on your way to building a habit that will soon enslave you.

  • Each surrender to temptation further entrenches the habit, making it harder to resist next time.

  • Every sexual sin adds one more picture to the scrap-book of enticing sexual images stored in your memory and accessible to your sinful nature for awakening lust.

5. Training yourself in sexual indulgence may eventually cost you your wife and children.

  • No one goes from winning his sexual battles to committing adultery over night.

  • Surrendering to adultery won’t usually happen unless a man is already in the habit of excusing his sin and turning a deaf ear to the promptings of God’s spirit.

  • If he commits adultery, his wife has the Biblical right to divorce him. He may lose her and no longer be permitted to live with his children.

Remembering this list is not some magical cure for lust. But obeying God’s command to train our hearts to hate evil is part of the process by which God redeems us. He wants us to hunger and thirst for righteousness and to loathe evil because we know that sin’s wages are always death.


“Do not be deceived: God is not mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, FROM THAT NATURE WILL REAP DESTRUCTION; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap life.”

  • Job 1:8

  • Matt. 5:8

Gal. 6:7-8