Men's Ministries

How can I get my men spiritually connected at the level of their walk with Christ so they are not so alone in their spiritual battles?

A. Have a clear picture of your goal: Every man meeting regularly with one or two other brothers for encouragement and accountability in their spiritual battles.

B. Recognize that each of your men can be placed on a continuum of male connection in your church that might look like this:

<< Know No one << Acquaintances >> Friends >> Brothers

1. Acquaintances are those whose name you know
2. Friends are those with whom you participate in some activity. It might be the softball team, board of deacons, or Bible study. Friends socialize and share common values.
3. Closer friends are those you might have over to your home or might have lunch with during the work week.
4. We’re using “brothers” here to refer to men who know what is happening at the level of each other’s soul. They are able to encourage and pray for each other because they know each other’s spiritual battles. As this “brother” relationship deepens, they begin to ask to be held accountable for their actions.

C. Realize that getting men to the point where they are connected as brothers is a process that takes time. Trust must be built before men reveal what is going on inside. Usually this process takes years. It rarely happens automatically. Rather, the men’s ministry must be intentional about helping men move from the no relationships, or superficial relationships (left) to connection with a brother or two at the level of their spiritual lives (right side of continuum).

D. Men find it easiest to build friendships when they are shoulder to shoulder working together to accomplish a common task. Keep this principle in mind especially as you plan events for the least connected men-those on the left side of the continuum.

E. Although working together as a team to accomplish an objective is the most natural way men connect, we must recognize that our natural tendency in that connection is to be superficial. Christian men must be challenged to overcome their natural masculine desire for autonomy, i.e. be intentional about building relationships with other Christian men. We are to be so connected to some brothers that we confess our sins to one another (James 5:16), consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, (Heb. 10:24), and depend daily upon one another (I Cor. 12:21).

F. As you design activities for your men’s ministry, always:

1. Know which group on this continuum of male connection you are targeting
2. Include a component to help men connect at some level.
3. For example:

   a. Follow up the softball season with a funny, well done, awards banquet. Be sure that any newcomers to the team are personally invited by other team members and given a place to sit with them. The banquet could be structured with a contest so that each table has to work together to come up with their answers to the game questions.

   b. Seminars such as Success that Matters or Great Dads have excellent 6 week follow up small group studies. These studies are safe because they review material heard at the seminar and because they are only six weeks long. Such groups give men a taste of connection and they may decide to keep meeting after the 6 weeks is over.

G. One of the best ways to get men connected at the level of their soul is a men’s Bible Study or large-group presentation, with table discussion afterward.

1. Man In the Mirror has many excellent resources for men’s Bible study, including DVD series of Pat speaking and follow up discussion questions. Click here to visit their website.
2. You can check out our bookstore for men’s Bible studies by clicking here.
3. However, we must recognize the limitations of men’s Bible studies –Monthly studies can do very little to help men connect at the level of their everyday lives because they meet too infrequently –Weekly men’s studies rarely reach more than 15% of the men in the congregation and often fizzle out. Couples’ home groups compete with such men’s groups. Also, men do not like coming home from work and going back out to a weekly study. –Often men’s small groups that do exist are more about sharing opinions than about fighting spiritual battles. They are 80% study with prayer requests tacked onto the end.

H. Consider using another structure for helping men connect as brothers-Check 6 Partnerships. (Note: “I’ll check your six” is military language for, “I’ve got your back.”)

1. Check 6 Partnerships are:

–Not a couples’ group, but a band of brothers

–Not a 2 hour Bible study, but a 1 hour breakfast,lunch, or phone call

–Not an evening away from your family, but an hour fromyour work day

–Not 6-8 guys, but 2-4 guys

–Not focused on learning, but focused on fighting

–Not based on a meeting agenda that generates opinions, but a meeting agenda that generates connection as brothers

2. There is great Biblical precedent for such relationships:

–Jesus and the inner three

–Elijah and Elisha

–David and Jonathan

–Paul and Timothy

–Peter and Mark

3. For more information on Check 6 Partnerships go to www.forgingbonds.org

How can I be better equipped for men’s ministry?

A. Sign Up for Get In the Game–the PCA E-letter on Men’s Ministry

B. Take the 15 minute Man in the Mirror On-line training course (click here http://www.maninthemirror.org/.

C. Read and study No Man Left Behind. (order from PCA Bookstore)

D. Take your men’s ministry leadership team to a “No Man Left Behind” training seminar (click here— http://www.maninthemirror.org/click on training center

E. Click here if you would like a 30 minute phone call from a men’s ministry coach gyagel@forgingbonds.org

Life Changing Men’s Events
By Gary Yagel

On a warm November evening in 1966, at a camp called Hilltop, I faced the most important decision of my life. I had just been challenged to fully devote my life to Jesus Christ. Along with the other kids on this Young Life weekend, I was outside, observing the 20 minutes of silence following the Saturday night talk. Alone with God, I confessed my sins and surrendered my life to him.

That night I did what I’m sure my pastor, Sunday School teacher, and Young Life leader had talked to me every week about doing. But it was not until I got away on a retreat that I came face to face with the need to make a decision about following Christ, wholeheartedly. In Young Life circles, summer and weekend camps are notorious for the way God’s Spirit uses them to lead teens to surrender to Christ.

What does this have to do with men’s ministry? A lot. A weekend retreat or a Saturday morning seminar is a powerful tool in the hands of the Holy Spirit to grow men to new levels of surrender and commitment to Christ. Consider these benefits of such an event for men:

1. The Biblical content they can receive. Getting men together by themselves enables teaching in two areas that are specific to men-their unique responsibilities as husbands, fathers, and spiritual leaders, and their unique temptations due to their hard-wiring as men. It is true that men could get the same content by reading a book or listening to an MP3, but 98% won’t. They are far more likely to come to a seminar or retreat that addresses their issues as men than to pick up a book and actually read it.

2. Deeper connection with the other men. 94% of Christian men have no best friend. They are fighting their spiritual battles alone. A carefully planned seminar or retreat will encourage the kind of discussion that enables men to realize that they are not alone in their struggles. Very often it is right after experiencing this closeness at a retreat or seminar that a man will decide to get into a weekly men’s study or begin meeting weekly for breakfast with a few close brothers for encouragement and accountability.

3. Renewed Passion for Christ. Today’s men are overworked and exhausted. They are so busy meeting their responsibilities on the job, in their homes, and in their churches, that their emotional tank is often near empty. A great seminar or retreat pours the energy of renewal into men’s souls. Time away from the routine allows a man to recover his spiritual perspective, think about things he has pushed to the back of his mind, and find rest. Often it is not necessarily a great insight that benefits him most from a Saturday morning seminar. It is the renewal of his passion.

There is a caveat about retreats though; they need to be done well. Young Life promises teens the greatest week or weekend of their lives, and they do all they can to make that promise come true. Our men’s events don’t have to quite that well done-but they need to be well planned, and very male-friendly. The speakers need to have something valuable to say about the issues men care most about. These issues are explained in the FAQ part of our PCA men’s ministry website click here.

To help you find men’s seminar and retreat speakers within the PCA we are compiling a speaker list, which will be posted on our website. We have listed those we know about later in this issue of GITG. Please email us with information about PCA men’s speakers and websites you know about gyagel@forgingbonds.org

Article originally part of “Get in the Game”
a periodic email communication from CEP
October / November 2008 Vol. 4 No.4

What’s Happening Around the PCA? God is Moving In Men’s Ministry!

Samson and the Pirate Monks, By Nate Larkin. Because of his own story of addiction and loss, Nate Larkin knows every man’s heart combines sinner and saint, pirate and monk. His book is about a real group of men who aren’t afraid to say so-real men whose honest admission of weakness has been the doorway to authentic calling.

They call themselves the Samson Society. They started in Christ Community Church, Franklin TN, and their society is spreading to other PCA churches. Go to www.samsonsociety.org. to find out more.

Scotty Smith, the founding pastor of Christ Community writes, “Long before he sat down to commit his thoughts on the page, I watched Nate write about Samson and the Pirate Monks with his brokenness, his tears, and his thirst for the mercy and grace of God. And now, I have the joy of seeing the fruit of his journey and labor of love when I look into the eyes of men in our church who are part of the Samson Society-men who are discovering the wonder of the gospel, the necessity of brotherhood, and the hope of change.” Scotty Smith, Founding Pastor of Christ Community Church, Franklin, TN

Grace On Tap

“For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth camethrough Jesus Christ” John 1:17

During the Great Awakening Jonathan Edwards was leading a massive prayer meeting of over eight hundred men when he received a message from a wife requesting that the men pray for her husband, whose “spiritual pride had led him to be unloving, prideful, and difficult.” Thinking that perhaps the husband was in attendance at the prayer meeting, Edwards read the prayer request to the eight hundred men, then asked if the man who had been described would raise his hand so that the rest of the men could pray for him. Three hundred men raised their hands.

A foundational principle in men’s ministry is recognizing that even though our men know Christ died for their sins, many, perhaps most, still feel too dirty and sinful to be loved by a holy God. No matter how good our programs are, how rich our Biblical insights may be, or how successful we are at helping men better connect, our men’s ministry will fall flat if our men’s guilt and failure make them doubt God’s love for them. Like Adam and Eve, their shame will drive them away from God unless their Christian life is built on the foundation of grace.

During a British conference on comparative religions, experts from around the world debated what belief, if any, was unique to the Christian faith. They discussed the fact that other religions had some form of incarnation, and accounts of someone returning from the dead. The debate continued until C. S. Lewis wandered into the room. Lewis asked what the rumpus was about, and heard that his colleagues were discussing Christianity’s uniqueness among world religions. Lewis responded, “Oh, that’s easy. It’s grace.”

Every other religion teaches that we must earn God’s favor. In fact, just about every part of the world where our men live is about rewards they receive based upon their efforts. They pass their classes in school, find a good job, get promotions, and even win the heart of their wife through their effort. They know well the axiom, “there are no free lunches.”

The problem is that if they bring this “I have to earn God’s favor” attitude into their walk with God, it will destroy their potential for spiritual growth. They will focus on fixing their behavior, which will only lead to frustration, further guilt, and even anger with the God who demands perfection. Nothing poisons spiritual growth more than the inner belief that I have to be good so that God will love me.

The only way true spiritual growth takes place is for me to know that God loves me unconditionally despite my sin. Then my heart is free to respond to God’s love with my love. I become motivated to follow his commandments not to earn his love but out of gratefulness for the love I already have! A long term disciple-making ministry for men must reach their hearts. That is why we must create an atmosphere in our men’s ministry where men are taking constant gulps of grace.

Article originally part of “Get in the Game”
a periodic email communication from CEP
October / November 2008 Vol. 4 No.4

ACTION POINTS for Committed Dads

Turn off TVs, iPods, cell phones, and computers and gather your family around the dinner table for a good, old-fashioned card game or board game. You don’t need electricity to have energy in the room.

Take note of what your teenager spends his time doing and start a conversation by asking open-ended questions like, “What makes you so good at ____?” or “Why do you like ___ so much?”

“Give action” to your young child; get down on his or her level to play cars, have a tea party, build with blocks, etc. If you have your kids for the weekend, tell them to bring along their favorite game to play. Talk to them about it during the week and build anticipation and excitement for the weekend.

What’s your favorite sport or hobby? Think of ways you can use the language and concepts of that activity to help keep you motivated and on track as a father.

Click here to read entire publication in PDF (Acrobat Reader required)

Pew Research Better Than Reported

A lot of press has been given to a recent Pew Research study showing that 44% of American adults “have left the faith of their childhood.” But that’s not really the whole story. 16% out of that 44% simply left one Protestant denomination for another, meaning only 28% of adults have left the faith of their childhood. Add to that that some of those 28% left atheism or other religions for Christianity, and the picture looks even brighter. So perhaps the best way to say it is, “72% of all American adults have stayed in the faith they were brought up in, including those who changed denominations within the Protestant Church.” Now it sounds pretty good, doesn’t it?

The full article is available at http://pewforum.org/

Factoids for Prison Ministries to Men
The U.S. has more people in prison than any other country. Approximately 1% of all adults in U.S. are in jail or prison, 2,319,258 out of almost 230 million American adults, or one out of every 99.1 adults. In one state, the crime rate has increased only about 3% in the past 30 years, while its inmate population has increased by 600%.