Men's Ministries

The Case for a Men’sDiscipleship Program
by Patrick Morley

The Presenting Problem

There is raging all around us a battle for men’s souls. Men are under siege as husbands, fathers, workers, citizens, and churchmen. Many have already failed.

A man said, “My marriage is perfect.” One year later an addiction to pornography irretrievably shattered his marriage into a thousand shards.

“For 30 years I’ve spent 80 hours a week at work because that’s what I wanted to do. I went to church one hour a week. I’ve missed it. I know that there is another step I need to take.”

“I didn’t give my wife a voice. Now I can’t convince her I want to change.”

“No matter what I did I could never please my father. And I’m doing it all over again to my own son.”

Men are under siege because their wives feel emotionally neglected or controlled, their children are going astray, they’ve become addicted to pornography or other idols, they have overspent and struggle under a load of debt, and/or they are chasing worldly success.

Other men are under siege because they are trying to do too many of the right things. They are trying to be super-dad who makes all the games, the perfect husband who meets all the emotional needs of his wife, a churchman who makes a contribution, and the good provider who can afford the right schools and labels. They are tired. We have created a culture that requires more energy than men have to give.

The Consequences

For every 10 men in your church…

• 9 will have kids who leave the church (1)
• 8 will not find their jobs satisfying (2)
• 6 pay the monthly minimum on their credit card balances (3)
• 5 have a major problem with pornography (4)
• 4 will get divorced affecting 1,000,000 children per year (5)
• only 1 has a biblical worldview (6)
• all 10 will struggle to balance work and family

When a man fails it sets powerful forces of bondage and brokenness in motion. It can take several generations to break the cycle. I know. It has been almost 80 years since my grandfather abandoned my dad, and our family has yet to fully recover from that man’s horrific decision.

As America staggers beneath the load of a 100 major problems like divorce, fatherlessness, poverty, pornography, adultery, abortion, disrespect for authority, ethical failures, and truancy-where have the men gone? Where are the men? What has happened to our men?

These are not bad men. No man fails on purpose. They are, for the most part, men with good intentions. They are men for whom Christ died. He takes no delight in the death of the wicked. But they lack spiritual power.

The Root Cause

Why do so many men lack spiritual power? Why do so many men seem tepid in their faith? Why do so many men seem lukewarm? The answer is that these men were never discipled with the spiritual weaponry to become Godly men, husbands, and fathers. Jesus said, “The problem is that you don’t know the Scriptures, and you don’t know they power of God” (Matthew 22:29, NLT).

No church leader would disagree that making disciples is a central mission, perhaps the central mission, of the church. However, in our generation the church has taken its eye off the ball. The Barna Group reports that only 16% of church-attending adults are involved in discipleship programs such as small groups, Sunday schools, and other classes (Barna, 2000). And men are even less likely than women to be involved in discipleship (Barna, 2004).

Many church leaders indicate a profound dissatisfaction with the number of men in their churches who are disciples. It is well known within the field of men’s ministry that since 1990 many churches have implemented men’s discipleship programs but have been unable to sustain them.

We have not been effective in making disciples, especially among men, and therefore we are failing significantly to achieve one of our central missions. Not making disciples is the root cause of the battle in which we find ourselves.

The Solution

What is the solution? The last words of Jesus arguably comprise the most important speech ever recorded in the history of the world. We know them as The Great Commission…

All authority in heaven and earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Teach them to obey everything I have commanded you. And I will be with you to the end of the age (Matthew 28:18-20).

More millions of people and billions of dollars have been mobilized as a result of this brief speech than any other words ever uttered.

The solution to this problem is for us to get back to the central mission of the Christian church: making disciples. The final marching orders from Jesus are, “Go and make disciples.” Those orders still stand. They have not been amended, altered, or rescinded.

It is worth reflecting on the fact that Jesus could have said anything. For example…

• He could have said, “Go and make worshippers.” But he didn’t. He said, “Go and make disciples.”
• He could have said, “Go and make workers.” But he didn’t. He said, “Go and make disciples.”
• He could have said, “Go and make tithers.” But he didn’t. He said, “Go and make disciples.”

Does that mean Jesus isn’t interested in worshippers, workers, and tithers? Of course he is. But Jesus knew we don’t get worshippers by trying to make worshippers. We get worshippers by making disciples. Jesus knew we don’t get workers by trying to make workers. We get workers by making disciples. And so on. The key to success at every point is, “Go and make disciples.”

There is one, and only one, way in which a man can win the battle for his soul. He must become a disciple of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

The Plan: All-Inclusive Men’s Ministry

If you have 100 men in your church, what is the size of your men’s discipleship ministry? The correct answer is 100. A dozen white haired men having breakfast together once a month and six guys in a Bible study on Wednesday morning are good. But that leaves 82 men unaccounted for. You’re setting those men up to lose the battle.

The church is the only institution in the world that cares about men’s souls. To fulfill Christ’s commission, your church should have a concrete plan to disciple every willing man. If not us, then who?

This is a battle we can win. We cannot, we must not and, by God’s grace, together we will not fail.

Copyright

A Healthy Church (A Layman’s Letter to His Pastor)
by Patrick Morley

Dear Pastor,

As I was sitting in church on Sunday, I decided to write you this letter. When the service began, this is what I found myself thinking…

I’m here, pastor, I’m here. I worked 55 hours this week (that’s five days from 8 to 6 and 2 hours every night after the kids went to bed), slept 48 hours (I’m short one whole night), spent Saturday morning shuttling between soccer games, worked Saturday afternoon on the yard, took my wife to dinner Saturday night, and now here I am on Sunday morning.

All week long the world has told me to buy everything from computers to cars, and to want everything from more sex to more fun. My boss is not happy with me, nor I with him. My spouse appreciates my problems, but she has problems of her own. She’s frustrated that I don’t spend enough time with the family, but doesn’t complain about the money. Besides, I can’t share many of my struggles with her-like sexual temptations, work overload, and how to cover all these bills. The kids need more of me, but it’s not like they can really tell the difference-I’ve always shorted them.

Meanwhile, I read my Bible and prayed four mornings this week-a total of one hour. I don’t wake up in the morning wanting to fail. My intentions are good, but I still fall short. I’ve come here to receive some encouragement and direction from God. Now, what do you want me to do? What can you say to me?

Because I love you so much and want the best for you, I decided to write a letter and share my thoughts about our church. I’m only speaking for myself, but here are ten things I think most of us really need.

1. A HEALTHY THEOLOGY

First and foremost, I need a healthy theology. These questions haunt me: “Does God know about the problems of his people? Does He care? Can He do anything about it? What is He doing? Will He take care of us? Is God sitting in heaven wringing his hands about a world running amuck? How should we respond to the struggles and opportunities of daily life? What should be our relationship to the world?” I may only be a layman, but I don’t see how a church can be healthy unless it gets its theology right. I need the church to tell me to keep the Sabbath-no one else is. I need the church to tell me to tithe-no one else is. Theology starts with the Bible: right reading = right thinking = right believing = right doing. Please don’t give up on me, I need you to help me become a disciple.

2. A HEALTHY PASTOR

I need my pastor to be the man he wants me to become. If he’s to be a healthy pastor, he must create some space for himself. He needs to focus mainly on his own private life with Christ. He’s got to minister to me out of the overflow of his own relationship with Jesus. So first, he’s got to first make sure that he has enough “Jesus” for himself. Then he will have enough to give away to the rest of us. Also, I’m depending on him to take responsibility for his own marriage, children, finances, and health.

3. A HEALTHY LEADERSHIP

The best thing a leadership team, under the direction of the pastor, can do is to become to each other what they want us to become as a church. They shouldn’t ask us to do things that they themselves are unwilling to do (a common mistake). They must lead by example. They’ve got to take seriously the leadership qualifications of 1Timothy 3 and Titus 1. I need them to create a culture of prayer-not merely believe in prayer, but pray. They can get organized-I’d appreciate it-but mostly I need them to stick to the work of teaching, shepherding, and prayer. My family needs them to be careful not to run the church like a business. Please show us a 1 Corinthians 12 “one body, many parts” display of unity and mission.

4. A HEALTHY DREAM

Ideas are more powerful than labor. Ideas unleash forces that cannot be contained. What idea will capture my imagination as one of the sheep? The pastor and the leadership team must help me to see in my mind a “picture” of where they want me to go, and what success as a Christian man will look like. Otherwise, how will I know what to do, and whether or not I’ve done it? Grounded in Scripture, related to current culture, they draw for me a portrait of what this looks like in day-to-day practice.

5. A HEALTHY EXPECTATION

I like to win, and winning would be easy except for a couple of things. First, I have opposition, and my opposition wants to win too. I’d have no problem scoring if it weren’t for all those mean looking men trying to knock me down. So, help me understand what to expect, and how to play fair. Second, not all the players on our church team are equally strong or committed. Let’s never cut our weakest and least committed players-we don’t give up on people. I need my church to remind me of eventual victory, but help me realize that for now we must function more like a hospital for broken people than a team of superstars headed to the Super Bowl.

6. A HEALTHY PLAN

Any car manufacturer knows it cannot offer one model in one color and expect much success-though once upon a time it was so. In the same way, a successful church cannot offer a “one size fits all” ministry plan-though perhaps once upon a time it could. A healthy church will have some plan for ministry that differentiates the needs of different groups based on either age, spiritual maturity, gender, life phase, and/or special needs. I need to know that all my family members are being thought of at every stage.

At the same time, we need to be sure that we are developing healthy men. If we will disciple our men, they in turn will lead their wives and children to deeper faith in Christ. Like Jesus, let’s place a high priority on reaching men.

7. A HEALTHY BALANCE

I know my church can’t be all things to all people. It’s always going to reflect the interests and vision of our pastor and leadership. Still, a healthy church has to cover all the right bases, even as it specializes on its own distinctives. Suppose a church focuses primarily on, say, meeting the needs of the poor or missions. To be healthy that church must balance itself with proper emphasis on worship, evangelism, discipleship, fellowship, and other types of ministry.

8. A HEALTHY SERVICE

When I come to the worship service I come to give and to receive. I come to give worship, praise, and adoration. To worship literally means, “to kiss, the way a dog licks its master’s hand.” Help me do this. I also come to receive: to hear a word from the Lord-a word of instruction, or encouragement, or challenge. I hope to be staggered by God’s love, overpowered by His grace, astonished by His mercy, overwhelmed by His presence. A healthy worship experience helps each of us become a holy place.

9. A HEALTHY CONNECTION

I know the Bible is the word of God, and believe it offers explanations for all matters of faith and life. I need you to help me connect the dots between what my Bible says and what happens on Monday morning when the phones start ringing and customers start complaining. How do I make the connection? A healthy church draws us “out” of the world for repair, then sends us back “into” the world as agents of reconciliation.

10. A HEALTHY LAITY

If my church will pay attention to these nine things-a healthy theology, pastor, leadership, dream, expectation, plan, balance, service, and connection-we will be blessed with a healthy laity. We will become a humble community of saints that cheer each other’s victories, weep over each other’s sorrows, reprove each other’s mischief, and encourage each other’s strengths. We will become a family that doesn’t discard its weak nor abandon its young to the wolves. We will think the best of each other’s intentions, and hope the best for every member. We will have a vision for how we should engage the world. As a result, good news will be preached to the poor, prisoners will be set free, the blind will see, the deaf will hear, the lame will walk, and the oppressed will be set free. We will see Jesus.

With Great Appreciation for all You Do as our Pastor,

Your friend,

Jim

APPLICATION

1. Which of these ten characteristics does your church do best? How so?
2. Which of these then characteristics have been blind spots in your church?
3. What can/should you do about it?

A. Because we are failing to disciple men effectively.

Studies show that for every ten men in the average church:

• 9 will have kids who leave the church
• 8 will not find their jobs satisfying
• 6 will pay monthly minimum on credit cards
• 5 have a major problem with pornography
• 4 will get divorced affecting 1,000,000 children each year
• Only 1 will have a biblical worldview
• All 10 will struggle to balance family & work

(Statistics cited by Man In the Mirror)

In the PCA we may be doing a little better than the average church, but not much! Most of our men don’t even have a daily quiet time, much less delight their hearts in the Lord. Few have thought through what it means to love their wife as Christ loves the church, much less are they regularly focused on meeting the needs of her heart or on applying I Cor.13:4-8 to loving her. Most men have no plan for discipling their kids or much of a clue what it means to be the spiritual leaders in their homes. Fewer than 10% are actively seeking to share their faith with non-believing friends, relatives, and work associates, etc. The bar is very low.

B. Because if you help men get it right, everybody wins.

When we think covenantally, we realize that God has assigned men a strategic position of influence in the family, church, and society. He has designed our wives to be responders, and our children to have many needs that we must meet as their fathers. PCA author Pat Morley helps us see the strategic role assigned to men when he writes:

“Can you think of any way the WORLD can be made right unless the CHURCH is made right. Can you think of any way the CHURCH can be made right unless FAMILIES are made right. Can you think of any way FAMILIES can be made right unless MARRIAGES are made right. Can you think of any way MARRIAGES can be made right unless MEN are made right. Can you think of anything that has more potential to change the world than reaching MEN?”

C. Because Jesus built his church by discipling men.

Jesus was radical in his day because he treated women and children with great dignity. But he built the foundation of his church by investing heavily in 11 men. Today’s church is completely upside down in its approach. Resources are allocated and staff is added for children’s ministry, youth ministry, college ministry, singles ministry, women’s ministry, even nursery ministry before resources are invested in men’s ministry. These priorities would appear to be the exact opposite of our Lord’s. So, why should we be surprised that the church is in such bad condition?

Research cited by Focus on the Family shows that when a mother comes to faith in Christ, the rest of the family follows her example 17% of the time.

When a father comes to faith in Christ, the rest of the family follows his example 93% of the time.

A. Men’s ministry helps the church accomplish its mission, to make disciples.

“Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, 1) baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and 2) teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” Matt. 28:19-20

• Sometimes in the PCA we are tempted to abandon the discipleship model for the academic model, but men learn best by example.
• Biblical Christianity is not intended to be one smart person imparting knowledge to the masses; it is one follower helping another follower.

• We tend to ask men to follow our teaching, our methods, and our theology. God has hardwired them to prefer following men. Men’s ministry brings men together for life-on-life discipleship.

In the above text, the structure of the sentence implies that there are two parts to the way disciples are made.

1. Baptizing them:

• Baptism is the sign and seal of membership in the covenant community.
• The inward spiritual reality to which the sacrament of baptism points is our connection to Christ and to one another in the covenant of grace. (We differ from our Baptist friends at this very point; they see baptism as a sign of conversion, but we see it as a sign of membership in the covenant community just as circumcision was, and thus include our children in the covenant sign. But even our Baptist friends still see baptism as marking the recipient as belonging to the covenant community.)
• Becoming a Christ-follower requires not just a vertical commitment to Christ, but a horizontal commitment to connection with the rest of his body.
• 95% of Christian men have no best friend-they are not connected at any significant level to the body of Christ.
• The first goal of men’s ministry, therefore, is helping them get connected as brothers at the level of their spiritual lives.

2. Teaching them everyday obedience

• Jesus qualified the kind of teaching that makes disciples–teaching that focuses on obedience: “teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you..”
• Men’s disciple-making ministry therefore focuses on the areas that are specific to men’s unique struggle to be obedient
• The second goal of men’s ministry, therefore, is to get Biblical teaching to them that is specific to their 1) responsibilities and 2) temptations as men. These are the areas where they struggle with obedience.

B. Men’s ministry helps the church follow the Biblical method for discipling men, i.e. mobilizing the members of the body to use their gifts.

“From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” Eph. 4:16

“Men’s ministry” refers to the process of mobilizing members of the body to use their gifts to help men move down the discipleship path towards greater maturity in Christ. This process involves planning events and ministries for men. But is more than that. It also involves linking men to the disciple-making events and ministries in the church that are already in place. In summary, “men’s ministry” is the mobilization of some in the body to use their gifts to help the session disciple the men of the church.

C. The word, “disciple” should not be confused with the one-on-one multiplication method of discipleship.

Many people associate the verb, “to disciple” with the multiplication method explained in the booklet, Born to Reproduce, by Dawson Trotman of the Navigators and the book, Master Plan of Evangelism, by Robert Coleman. This is the idea that the pastor disciples two elders for two years. Then, at the end of the 2 years, those elders each disciple two men for two years, etc.

• I believe this is the absolute best method to disciple men-for those who are called and equipped to do so. If you have such men in your church, free them from other responsibilities and encourage them to build themselves into a few men who will build themselves into a few other men, etc.
• However, it is a mistake to call the multiplication method-the primary method of New Testament discipleship. That is simply not true.
• The method for the body to be built up is given in Eph. 4:7-16 as we have seen above. Paul makes no mention of the gift of “discipleship,” or “mentoring” or whatever we might call the multiplication method. He says the body is built up not by the disciplers, but by every member of the body contributing.
• 2 Timothy 2:2 is often quoted to substantiate the multiplication method as the primary NT method to make disciples. However, this verse is not talking about Paul’s one-on-one time discipling Timothy-but about insuring that sound teaching continue in the church at a time when the New Testament had not yet been completed. Paul says to Timothy, “And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others.” The focus here is Paul’s PUBLIC teaching-not his PRIVATE discipleship meetings with Timothy. Paul wants the content of his teaching, i.e. the gospel, passed on to reliable men who are able to teach (not disciple) others.
• If a pastor disciples two elders for two years who then disciple two men for two years, at the end of 4 years, there are 7 mature believers. Praise God! But someone has to focus on the 95% of the men left out during this 4 year period to help them grow in Christ. That is the task of the men’s ministry. The Biblical method for growth is given in Eph 4.16. The body “grows and builds itself up in love as each part does its work.”
  
• Nine out of ten pastors I know say they do not have the gift of mentoring or “discipling.” So, how can this multiplication method be the preferred NT method for making disciples? The marching orders for the whole church are to make disciples-not just for those gifted in mentoring!

Why is it so difficult to get men to attend men’s ministry events?

A. Nearly all of the subgroups in the church (children, teens, college kids, singles, women, seniors) are strongly motivated to come to church events because they want to be with their friends. Men are not. Therefore, they don’t show up just because the bulletin says that a men’s event is planned.

B. Your men’s event takes men away from their homes. Many men already feel guilty about being away from home so much to do their jobs. So you have to overcome the guilt and pressure he feels NOT to be away from the family more.

C. For the 21st century man, time is the commodity of highest value. There has been an explosion of activities to compete for his time, from Karate for his kids to 200 channels on TV, including sports channels that have games nearly 24 hours a day. The length of the American work day is the highest it has ever been, while commuting time is increasing. He has less free time to give to a men’s event than ever before.

D. Today’s men are tired and busy. They spend their days in the work world where products and activities are assigned a bottom-line value. That is the way they will see your men’s event. Is the value of the event worth the time and effort to be involved? Out of a sense of commitment to the church, a man may come once to a men’s event. But tired, busy men will not consistently attend something that does not have high value to them.

E. The availability of graphic pornography at the click of a mouse means that more men are enslaved to secret sins than ever before. They may participate in something safe like playing softball. But, they won’t come regularly to events that get them connected to other men at the spiritual level. On the one hand, they know they need help, but they are terrified of the shame they would experience if they were found out.

F. Because of the way God has hardwired men, they are much more likely to come to an event when personally invited by another man. Most churches have not built a strong men’s ministry leadership team that reaches out to the men of the congregation to make these personal invitations. Instead, they resort to bulletin or pulpit announcements which are not very effective.