Men

Reaching Every Man

Does your church have an effective discipleship process for all the men in your church and community? Here is a way to find out. Rate your ministry on a scale of 1-10 in the following areas:

1. ____ Most men in our church understand what it means to be a disciple,
and its importance.

2. ____ Most of the men in our church have a best friend or band of brothers
who stand with him in his spiritual battles.

3. ____ Our ministry to men provides opportunities for men at all spiritual
levels to become engaged.

4. ____ The participation level of men in our men’s events indicates that we
are scratching where they itch.

5. ____ Our men’s hearts are captured by the desire to show Christ and his
kingdom to the world.

Over the last ten years, several graduates of RTS Orlando, along with a third PCA member, began to conduct extensive research into churches that were effectively discipling men, to determine why they were so successful. They saw time and again that the churches with effective long term processes that produced Godly disciples followed the same principles. For example, they targeted the hearts of men, not their behavior. They thought of discipleship as a relational process that moves men down the discipleship path, so they were intentional about capturing the momentum from their events and building upon it. Instead of expecting the pastoral staff and elders to “disciple” all the men, they built strong lay men’s ministry leadership teams, making Eph. 4:16 the foundation of their discipleship approach. “From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”

These three men, Pat Morley, David Delk, and Brett Clemmer found these key principles to be so consistent in successful men’s ministries that they put them into a book and designed training to make these valuable insights available to men’s ministry leaders across America. The book is called, No Man Left Behind. The insights are also taught in 20-hour regional seminars by the same name, and in a 4-hour Reader’s Digest version for local churches and presbyteries called, Reaching Every Man.

This 4-hour Reaching Every Man training is now available to PCA churches and Presbyteries “to equip the saints for the work of ministry” at a very reasonable price-just $38 per man and $28 per man in groups of 4 or more. This allows our PCA churches to bring 4 men for a little over $100. Thirty-five men already attended an REM seminar at Covenant PCA in Harrisonburg, VA, and PCA churches in Baltimore, MD, Gainesville, FL, Ft Worth TX, and Tucson, AZ are in the process of trying to get an REM set up for their men’s ministry leadership teams. For more information on how to bring this training to your church or presbytery go to www.pcacep.org/Men, or contact Gary Yagel gyagel@forgingbonds.org 301.570.5097.

Does Men’s Fraternity Belong In a PCA Church?
Interview with TE Pete Deison, Park Cities PCA

Article originally part of “Get in the Game”
a periodic email communication from CEP

(Note: Men’s Fraternity Is a 3 year men’s discipleship curricula, designed by Robert Lewis, pastor-at-large of Fellowship Bible Church in Little Rock, Arkansas and author of Raising a Modern Day Knight. The first year curricula is entitled The Quest for Authentic Manhood. The material, which includes a weekly video clip, can be taught by the local church pastor in a large group setting, can be taught in a small group setting by watching the DVD, or can be listened to on CD by individuals. Pete Deison has been on the staff of Park Cities PCA in Dallas for over 10 years as the Minister of Discipleship.

GITG: Tell us about your experience with Men’s Fraternity.

Pete: It has been great. Just last week we ended the fourth year and we’ve had over 200 of our men involved. We started with The Quest for Authentic Manhood, and then repeated that a second year, which is what they suggested. Then we went on to Authentic Manhood: Winning at Work and Home, and concluded with The Great Adventure series. This is excellent material, which addresses topics men are interested in from a Biblical perspective.

GITG: How was the material presented?

Pete: We met at 6:30-7:20 AM Tuesdays in a large group setting but then broke into small groups for a 30 minute discussion. Tim Tinsley, our Evangelism pastor, and I have shared in teaching the material, with Tim covering the majority.

GITG: On a continuum of spiritual maturity, where is this material targeted?

Pete: We had men of all age groups and spiritual maturity participate. But it is especially helpful as a pre-evangelism tool. The material starts out man-centered as a pre-evangelism door to attract men, but then takes them to the gospel.

GITG: What were the weaknesses of this ministry?

Pete: “The program doesn’t provide material for training the small group leaders in follow-up.It is designed for the leader to facilitate only. In my opinion some follow up material would be helpful. It was left up to the discretion of the leader.”

GITG: What about the strengths?

Pete: We have seen many men come to faith in Christ, many men’s lives changed, and many marriages saved. In fact, when we put Robert Lewis’ lecture up on our website, we found that many of the wives were going there to find out what we were talking about. Also, Lewis’ discussion of the “Father wound” gave our men a vocabulary to start to talk more about some of the wounds to their hearts that are obstacles to whole- hearted surrender to Christ.

GITG: This material is broadly Evangelical, but not particularly Reformed. How did you deal with this issue

Pete: First, anytime you use anyone else’s material you need to present it through your own Biblical lens, which in our case is Reformed. Second, we actually met with Robert Lewis to gain his permission to teach the material from a Reformed point of view. He was very happy to do that. Third, we made adjustments at a few points along the way-but had no problem with the core of the curricula. Fourth, we realized that though initially the material seems man-centered, because it is targeted to lost men, the material is quite God centered.

Believe me, we had our skeptics when we started-but just last week, one of our elders came to me and said, “Pete, I’ll admit that I was skeptical about Men’s Fraternity coming into it. But coming out of it 4 years later I’m looking forward to continuing because I’ve seen so many lives change.”

(If you have further questions, Pete can be reached at pete.deison@pcpc.org)

The Case for a Men’sDiscipleship Program
by Patrick Morley

The Presenting Problem

There is raging all around us a battle for men’s souls. Men are under siege as husbands, fathers, workers, citizens, and churchmen. Many have already failed.

A man said, “My marriage is perfect.” One year later an addiction to pornography irretrievably shattered his marriage into a thousand shards.

“For 30 years I’ve spent 80 hours a week at work because that’s what I wanted to do. I went to church one hour a week. I’ve missed it. I know that there is another step I need to take.”

“I didn’t give my wife a voice. Now I can’t convince her I want to change.”

“No matter what I did I could never please my father. And I’m doing it all over again to my own son.”

Men are under siege because their wives feel emotionally neglected or controlled, their children are going astray, they’ve become addicted to pornography or other idols, they have overspent and struggle under a load of debt, and/or they are chasing worldly success.

Other men are under siege because they are trying to do too many of the right things. They are trying to be super-dad who makes all the games, the perfect husband who meets all the emotional needs of his wife, a churchman who makes a contribution, and the good provider who can afford the right schools and labels. They are tired. We have created a culture that requires more energy than men have to give.

The Consequences

For every 10 men in your church…

• 9 will have kids who leave the church (1)
• 8 will not find their jobs satisfying (2)
• 6 pay the monthly minimum on their credit card balances (3)
• 5 have a major problem with pornography (4)
• 4 will get divorced affecting 1,000,000 children per year (5)
• only 1 has a biblical worldview (6)
• all 10 will struggle to balance work and family

When a man fails it sets powerful forces of bondage and brokenness in motion. It can take several generations to break the cycle. I know. It has been almost 80 years since my grandfather abandoned my dad, and our family has yet to fully recover from that man’s horrific decision.

As America staggers beneath the load of a 100 major problems like divorce, fatherlessness, poverty, pornography, adultery, abortion, disrespect for authority, ethical failures, and truancy-where have the men gone? Where are the men? What has happened to our men?

These are not bad men. No man fails on purpose. They are, for the most part, men with good intentions. They are men for whom Christ died. He takes no delight in the death of the wicked. But they lack spiritual power.

The Root Cause

Why do so many men lack spiritual power? Why do so many men seem tepid in their faith? Why do so many men seem lukewarm? The answer is that these men were never discipled with the spiritual weaponry to become Godly men, husbands, and fathers. Jesus said, “The problem is that you don’t know the Scriptures, and you don’t know they power of God” (Matthew 22:29, NLT).

No church leader would disagree that making disciples is a central mission, perhaps the central mission, of the church. However, in our generation the church has taken its eye off the ball. The Barna Group reports that only 16% of church-attending adults are involved in discipleship programs such as small groups, Sunday schools, and other classes (Barna, 2000). And men are even less likely than women to be involved in discipleship (Barna, 2004).

Many church leaders indicate a profound dissatisfaction with the number of men in their churches who are disciples. It is well known within the field of men’s ministry that since 1990 many churches have implemented men’s discipleship programs but have been unable to sustain them.

We have not been effective in making disciples, especially among men, and therefore we are failing significantly to achieve one of our central missions. Not making disciples is the root cause of the battle in which we find ourselves.

The Solution

What is the solution? The last words of Jesus arguably comprise the most important speech ever recorded in the history of the world. We know them as The Great Commission…

All authority in heaven and earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Teach them to obey everything I have commanded you. And I will be with you to the end of the age (Matthew 28:18-20).

More millions of people and billions of dollars have been mobilized as a result of this brief speech than any other words ever uttered.

The solution to this problem is for us to get back to the central mission of the Christian church: making disciples. The final marching orders from Jesus are, “Go and make disciples.” Those orders still stand. They have not been amended, altered, or rescinded.

It is worth reflecting on the fact that Jesus could have said anything. For example…

• He could have said, “Go and make worshippers.” But he didn’t. He said, “Go and make disciples.”
• He could have said, “Go and make workers.” But he didn’t. He said, “Go and make disciples.”
• He could have said, “Go and make tithers.” But he didn’t. He said, “Go and make disciples.”

Does that mean Jesus isn’t interested in worshippers, workers, and tithers? Of course he is. But Jesus knew we don’t get worshippers by trying to make worshippers. We get worshippers by making disciples. Jesus knew we don’t get workers by trying to make workers. We get workers by making disciples. And so on. The key to success at every point is, “Go and make disciples.”

There is one, and only one, way in which a man can win the battle for his soul. He must become a disciple of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

The Plan: All-Inclusive Men’s Ministry

If you have 100 men in your church, what is the size of your men’s discipleship ministry? The correct answer is 100. A dozen white haired men having breakfast together once a month and six guys in a Bible study on Wednesday morning are good. But that leaves 82 men unaccounted for. You’re setting those men up to lose the battle.

The church is the only institution in the world that cares about men’s souls. To fulfill Christ’s commission, your church should have a concrete plan to disciple every willing man. If not us, then who?

This is a battle we can win. We cannot, we must not and, by God’s grace, together we will not fail.

Copyright

A Healthy Church (A Layman’s Letter to His Pastor)
by Patrick Morley

Dear Pastor,

As I was sitting in church on Sunday, I decided to write you this letter. When the service began, this is what I found myself thinking…

I’m here, pastor, I’m here. I worked 55 hours this week (that’s five days from 8 to 6 and 2 hours every night after the kids went to bed), slept 48 hours (I’m short one whole night), spent Saturday morning shuttling between soccer games, worked Saturday afternoon on the yard, took my wife to dinner Saturday night, and now here I am on Sunday morning.

All week long the world has told me to buy everything from computers to cars, and to want everything from more sex to more fun. My boss is not happy with me, nor I with him. My spouse appreciates my problems, but she has problems of her own. She’s frustrated that I don’t spend enough time with the family, but doesn’t complain about the money. Besides, I can’t share many of my struggles with her-like sexual temptations, work overload, and how to cover all these bills. The kids need more of me, but it’s not like they can really tell the difference-I’ve always shorted them.

Meanwhile, I read my Bible and prayed four mornings this week-a total of one hour. I don’t wake up in the morning wanting to fail. My intentions are good, but I still fall short. I’ve come here to receive some encouragement and direction from God. Now, what do you want me to do? What can you say to me?

Because I love you so much and want the best for you, I decided to write a letter and share my thoughts about our church. I’m only speaking for myself, but here are ten things I think most of us really need.

1. A HEALTHY THEOLOGY

First and foremost, I need a healthy theology. These questions haunt me: “Does God know about the problems of his people? Does He care? Can He do anything about it? What is He doing? Will He take care of us? Is God sitting in heaven wringing his hands about a world running amuck? How should we respond to the struggles and opportunities of daily life? What should be our relationship to the world?” I may only be a layman, but I don’t see how a church can be healthy unless it gets its theology right. I need the church to tell me to keep the Sabbath-no one else is. I need the church to tell me to tithe-no one else is. Theology starts with the Bible: right reading = right thinking = right believing = right doing. Please don’t give up on me, I need you to help me become a disciple.

2. A HEALTHY PASTOR

I need my pastor to be the man he wants me to become. If he’s to be a healthy pastor, he must create some space for himself. He needs to focus mainly on his own private life with Christ. He’s got to minister to me out of the overflow of his own relationship with Jesus. So first, he’s got to first make sure that he has enough “Jesus” for himself. Then he will have enough to give away to the rest of us. Also, I’m depending on him to take responsibility for his own marriage, children, finances, and health.

3. A HEALTHY LEADERSHIP

The best thing a leadership team, under the direction of the pastor, can do is to become to each other what they want us to become as a church. They shouldn’t ask us to do things that they themselves are unwilling to do (a common mistake). They must lead by example. They’ve got to take seriously the leadership qualifications of 1Timothy 3 and Titus 1. I need them to create a culture of prayer-not merely believe in prayer, but pray. They can get organized-I’d appreciate it-but mostly I need them to stick to the work of teaching, shepherding, and prayer. My family needs them to be careful not to run the church like a business. Please show us a 1 Corinthians 12 “one body, many parts” display of unity and mission.

4. A HEALTHY DREAM

Ideas are more powerful than labor. Ideas unleash forces that cannot be contained. What idea will capture my imagination as one of the sheep? The pastor and the leadership team must help me to see in my mind a “picture” of where they want me to go, and what success as a Christian man will look like. Otherwise, how will I know what to do, and whether or not I’ve done it? Grounded in Scripture, related to current culture, they draw for me a portrait of what this looks like in day-to-day practice.

5. A HEALTHY EXPECTATION

I like to win, and winning would be easy except for a couple of things. First, I have opposition, and my opposition wants to win too. I’d have no problem scoring if it weren’t for all those mean looking men trying to knock me down. So, help me understand what to expect, and how to play fair. Second, not all the players on our church team are equally strong or committed. Let’s never cut our weakest and least committed players-we don’t give up on people. I need my church to remind me of eventual victory, but help me realize that for now we must function more like a hospital for broken people than a team of superstars headed to the Super Bowl.

6. A HEALTHY PLAN

Any car manufacturer knows it cannot offer one model in one color and expect much success-though once upon a time it was so. In the same way, a successful church cannot offer a “one size fits all” ministry plan-though perhaps once upon a time it could. A healthy church will have some plan for ministry that differentiates the needs of different groups based on either age, spiritual maturity, gender, life phase, and/or special needs. I need to know that all my family members are being thought of at every stage.

At the same time, we need to be sure that we are developing healthy men. If we will disciple our men, they in turn will lead their wives and children to deeper faith in Christ. Like Jesus, let’s place a high priority on reaching men.

7. A HEALTHY BALANCE

I know my church can’t be all things to all people. It’s always going to reflect the interests and vision of our pastor and leadership. Still, a healthy church has to cover all the right bases, even as it specializes on its own distinctives. Suppose a church focuses primarily on, say, meeting the needs of the poor or missions. To be healthy that church must balance itself with proper emphasis on worship, evangelism, discipleship, fellowship, and other types of ministry.

8. A HEALTHY SERVICE

When I come to the worship service I come to give and to receive. I come to give worship, praise, and adoration. To worship literally means, “to kiss, the way a dog licks its master’s hand.” Help me do this. I also come to receive: to hear a word from the Lord-a word of instruction, or encouragement, or challenge. I hope to be staggered by God’s love, overpowered by His grace, astonished by His mercy, overwhelmed by His presence. A healthy worship experience helps each of us become a holy place.

9. A HEALTHY CONNECTION

I know the Bible is the word of God, and believe it offers explanations for all matters of faith and life. I need you to help me connect the dots between what my Bible says and what happens on Monday morning when the phones start ringing and customers start complaining. How do I make the connection? A healthy church draws us “out” of the world for repair, then sends us back “into” the world as agents of reconciliation.

10. A HEALTHY LAITY

If my church will pay attention to these nine things-a healthy theology, pastor, leadership, dream, expectation, plan, balance, service, and connection-we will be blessed with a healthy laity. We will become a humble community of saints that cheer each other’s victories, weep over each other’s sorrows, reprove each other’s mischief, and encourage each other’s strengths. We will become a family that doesn’t discard its weak nor abandon its young to the wolves. We will think the best of each other’s intentions, and hope the best for every member. We will have a vision for how we should engage the world. As a result, good news will be preached to the poor, prisoners will be set free, the blind will see, the deaf will hear, the lame will walk, and the oppressed will be set free. We will see Jesus.

With Great Appreciation for all You Do as our Pastor,

Your friend,

Jim

APPLICATION

1. Which of these ten characteristics does your church do best? How so?
2. Which of these then characteristics have been blind spots in your church?
3. What can/should you do about it?

A. Because we are failing to disciple men effectively.

Studies show that for every ten men in the average church:

• 9 will have kids who leave the church
• 8 will not find their jobs satisfying
• 6 will pay monthly minimum on credit cards
• 5 have a major problem with pornography
• 4 will get divorced affecting 1,000,000 children each year
• Only 1 will have a biblical worldview
• All 10 will struggle to balance family & work

(Statistics cited by Man In the Mirror)

In the PCA we may be doing a little better than the average church, but not much! Most of our men don’t even have a daily quiet time, much less delight their hearts in the Lord. Few have thought through what it means to love their wife as Christ loves the church, much less are they regularly focused on meeting the needs of her heart or on applying I Cor.13:4-8 to loving her. Most men have no plan for discipling their kids or much of a clue what it means to be the spiritual leaders in their homes. Fewer than 10% are actively seeking to share their faith with non-believing friends, relatives, and work associates, etc. The bar is very low.

B. Because if you help men get it right, everybody wins.

When we think covenantally, we realize that God has assigned men a strategic position of influence in the family, church, and society. He has designed our wives to be responders, and our children to have many needs that we must meet as their fathers. PCA author Pat Morley helps us see the strategic role assigned to men when he writes:

“Can you think of any way the WORLD can be made right unless the CHURCH is made right. Can you think of any way the CHURCH can be made right unless FAMILIES are made right. Can you think of any way FAMILIES can be made right unless MARRIAGES are made right. Can you think of any way MARRIAGES can be made right unless MEN are made right. Can you think of anything that has more potential to change the world than reaching MEN?”

C. Because Jesus built his church by discipling men.

Jesus was radical in his day because he treated women and children with great dignity. But he built the foundation of his church by investing heavily in 11 men. Today’s church is completely upside down in its approach. Resources are allocated and staff is added for children’s ministry, youth ministry, college ministry, singles ministry, women’s ministry, even nursery ministry before resources are invested in men’s ministry. These priorities would appear to be the exact opposite of our Lord’s. So, why should we be surprised that the church is in such bad condition?

Research cited by Focus on the Family shows that when a mother comes to faith in Christ, the rest of the family follows her example 17% of the time.

When a father comes to faith in Christ, the rest of the family follows his example 93% of the time.