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Discipleship Ministries of the PCA

Men's Ministries

Called to Sexual Integrity: Part 1

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Called to Sexual Integrity

Because God has hardwired men to respond to visual stimulation, today, the men in our congregations must battle for sexual purity in an unprecedented era of sexual temptation. Never before has pornography been so easy to view. Never before has the content of simple TV commercials and “family hour” TV shows flooded our family rooms with provocative images and ideas that start our sexual engine running. We are bombarded daily with such unwanted stimuli. For this reason, during 2007, we will have a regular column in GITG, which highlights key Biblical principles for making progress in this battle.

Article originally appeared in “Get in the Game”
a periodic email communication from CEP
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January/February 2007 Vol. 3 No.1

TRACING SEXUAL SIN TO ITS ROOT

It is sometimes thought that Jesus was adding something new to the prohibitions of the Law when he commanded us not to lust after another man’s wife. But, in fact, this prohibition is in the Decalogue, itself. The tenth commandment prohibits coveting our neighbor’s wife and the Hebrew word for covet is also translated lust after. The same is true in the New Testament. EPITHUMEO, which means literally, over-desire, is translated both as lusting and coveting. So, lusting after another man’s wife has always been prohibited by God’s moral law.

Lust is a matter of the desires of the heart, and we must begin the battle for sexual purity here-at the level of our desires. The root sin of lust is idolatry. It is looking to sexual sin to satisfy the desires in our hearts. RTS professor Steve Childers makes this clear.

To Paul, mankind’s root problem is not merely an external. behavioral problem-it is an internal problem of the heart. Paul believed that one of the primary reasons human hearts are not more transformed is because the affections of people’s hearts have been captured by idols that grip them and steal their hearts’ affection away from God. Spiritual Dynamics Class Notes

The root sin is that we have chosen to go outside the boundaries of the kingdom of God to look for pleasure in the land of idols. Illicit sexual pleasure feels good, relieves boredom, medicates pain, soothes our stress. Such payoffs can be nearly impossible to resist.

The most effective way to combat sexual sin over the long haul is to chip away at its roots. So, how do we chip away at our tendency to look to the idol of illicit sexual pleasure to satisfy our longings? We must look to the true God to satisfy those longings instead.

There are two ways we need to look to God to satisfy our longings instead of to the false God of illicit sexual pleasure. First, we must surrender our sexual desires to him and trust him to be the one to see that they are satisfied in a righteous way or give us the grace to go with them unmet. Second, we must learn to delight our heart in the Lord, himself, because he alone can satisfy our deepest longings.

No matter what your situation, when sexual desire is aroused, take it to the altar and ask God to provide for those desires to be satisfied. If you are single, pray for a wife, and seek wise counsel concerning the lessons you need to learn before marriage. When you feel sexual desire being awakened, channel that desire into a fervent prayer for your future wife. If you are married, Scripture is clear that passionate love-making with your wife is a key to overcoming temptation. (See Prov. 5:15-20, I Cor. 7:5) If there is a sexual misconnect with your wife (which is very common among Christian husbands and wives,) take this concern to the Lord, as well. He wants you to have a passionate love life. Surrendering your sexual appetite to God and trusting him to meet your desires is the quality of meekness. As the third beatitude, this is a foundational quality for the Christian life.

When Paul was addressing the sexual immorality of the Corinthians, he cut to the root of the matter in 6:13, when he tells them, “You were made for God and God is the answer to your deepest longings.” John Piper gets it right, when he says,

One reason lust reigns in so many is that Christ has so little appeal. You were created to treasure Christ with all your heart-more than you treasure sex or sugar. If you have little taste for Jesus, competing pleasures will triumph. Plead with God for the satisfaction you don’t have. Quote Psalm 14, “Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love that we might rejoice and be glad all our days.” Then, look, look, LOOK at the most magnificent person in the universe until you see him the way he is.

There is no instant solution to overcoming sexual lust. Our sexuality is very deeply rooted, and equally deeply rooted is our sinful nature. We believe in radical depravity. Sinful habit patterns that took years to build are not easily rooted out. But, in the long run, the most effective way to strengthen the purity of your heart is to steadily chip away at its idols. In this case, that means trusting your sexual desires to your master, and being intentional about delighting your soul in him.

What About Men’s Ministry in the PCA?

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charles.jpgWhat about men’s ministry in the PCA? We have been asked that question many times. Before responding, a bit of history would be in order. When the PCA formed in December of 1973, the organizing committee was aware of the background from which our original churches were coming. The committee also understood the challenge to develop a new denomination, originally called “the continuing Presbyterian Church,” that would impact the culture and world, by standing for the truth with a renewed commitment.

In the mainline church (PCUS) from which the PCA developed, there had been structures and programs that had proven effective and two of those were its women’s ministry and its men’s ministry. Desiring to develop programs and ministries that would encourage spiritual growth and ministry to those in and out of the church, the PCA approved a women’s ministry, known as Women in the Church (WIC) and Men of the Covenant (MOC). They positioned them under the oversight and direction of the committee for Christian Education and Publications.

One of the biblical models for making kingdom disciples is found in the book of Titus. After addressing the problems in the communities (and by implication, the homes) resulting from bad teaching, Paul instructed pastors to teach what is in accord with sound doctrine, (Titus 2:1). He then said he was to teach in such a manner that older men could minister to younger men and older women to younger women. A men’s ministry can, as we have seen with our WIC ministry’s focus on “spiritual mothering,” have a powerful impact in the church. Women need to minister to women, and men need to minister to one another. Men who serve as elders and deacons have unique opportunities to minister to one another. The possibilities of dads, granddads, and other older men ministering to younger men make this ministry both challenging and exciting.

From the very outset the PCA’s women’s ministry took root and began to develop a ministry that would give them a sense of connection with women from other churches in the PCA. Testimonials continue to come from women who have appreciated and benefited from that connection. There have been three major denominational WIC conferences and six major regional conferences over the years. The next conference is planned for 2006. In 1999, more than 4,000 PCA women gathered in Atlanta for a conference focusing on mercy ministry. This provided the push for the present mercy ministry conference jointly sponsored by CEP, its WIC program and Mission to North America.

What about the men? In the beginning CEP attempted to start a parallel ministry, originally called Men of the Covenant, at the assembly level to assist presbyteries and local churches with men’s ministries. Such attempts have yet to take shape though numbers of efforts have been attempted over the years. We continue to be asked, especially by some of the participants in the WIC ministry, when are you going to have similar ministry for the PCA men? We have replied that we have made numerous attempts but without success. Many local churches have some very outstanding men’s ministries in the PCA. Our desire, more than having a top down structure, is to encourage men to see the need and come forward as husbands, fathers, and Christian men in general with the commitment to seek to live as kingdom disciples.

We have also been asked why the PCA encourages special ministries such as women, youth, children, and men through CEP. Our response has uniformly been that we do encourage local churches, through their formal and informal leadership, to develop a holistic plan of ministry for their churches. This allows local sessions that are responsible for the local church’s ministry, to oversee and coordinate the entire ministry, and to evaluate its progress.

In addition to the approach above, we have also seen the value of including specialized ministries to women, men, youth, and children. None of these are to replace the whole, however. As far as children and youth, the church must not take over parental responsibility, though promises are made at baptism to assist parents in training their children.

Having said that, the articles by Pat Morley (PCA) and TE Peter Alwinson, a PCA teaching elder, launch a new effort on the part of CEP. We will be working more closely with Morley, the author and originator of the Man in the Mirror ministry. Together we will offer churches help in developing a men’s ministry. Encouraging, mobilizing and training men for ministry are vital initiatives. As a former pastor, the churches I served were able to do some significant ministries through both the women and men’s ministries. I have seen first hand the value of such ministry.

In case you’re asked, CEP is still very much committed to encouraging a men’s ministry that is strategically focused in the local church. We would like to encourage churches with this ministry and even provide training and resources to assist. We are asked, “Will CEP ever sponsor a denominational men’s conference similar to its WIC conferences?” At this point only the Lord knows that, but would not it be a wonderful thing to see PCA men from across the church come together for such an event?

The Six Habits of Spiritually Happy Men

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By Patrick Morley


I’ve been meeting with men to talk about where they are on their spiritual pilgrimage for over three decades. Many of those men exude a contagious joy and contentment. Their lives are peaceable, orderly, and recommend Christ. They’re downright happy!

Most of these happy men exercise six spiritual habits that keep them “abiding in Christ.” The dictionary says a habit is, “an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.”

These six habits are no litmus test that you can use to judge a man’s walk with Christ. That would be extremely dangerous. These habits create no special merit with Christ. They do nothing to improve a man’s record with Jesus. They are, however, indicators or “clues” of a deeper commitment to live by faith and make a difference in the world.

The six habits of spiritually happy men are:

  1. They read the Bible regularly. They love God’s word, and want to regularly read and meditate on the Bible.
  2. They pray with their wives. This symbolizes a depth of relationship with God and his wife.
  3. They tithe. I’ve never known a man who tithed who was not happy.
  4. They are in a small group. They are personally vulnerable and seek to be held accountable by other men. This group might be with a few men, or only one other man. It might meet for Bible study, discussion, fellowship, prayer, or a combination.
  5. They are active in a church. Active involvement is the overflow of a deeper work that Christ is doing in a man’s heart.
  6. They are serving the Lord. They have a passion that their lives will make a difference in the world. They pursue a life of significance. They view everything as serving the Lord.

I certainly don’t mean to imply that these are the only six habits that reveal the depth of a man’s walk with Christ. Nevertheless, those of us who are leaders would do well to practice and encourage our men to practice these six habits. The change of heart that underlies the visible habits can change the course of a man’s life and family lineage for generations to come.

Together in the Battle for Men’s Souls!

Patrick Morley is the founder, chairman and CEO of Man in the Mirror, a ministry dedicated to equipping leaders in the local church to disciple men. He has a led the Man in the Mirror Bible Study outside of Orlando since 1986. You can get more info and view these Bible studies at www.maninthemirror.org/biblestudy/series.htm

Men’s Ministry: An Indispensable Focus for the Church

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By Dr. Pete Alwinson


“Men: You can’t live with them and you can’t shoot them.” This bumper sticker glared back at me, as I pulled up to a stop light in Orlando one day. “Now that’s one ticked off lady” was my first thought. My second thought was: “I wonder what her story is. What did she experience from men? Neglect? Abuse? Anger? Who hurt her? Dad, brother, neighbor boy, boyfriend, husband, grandfather?” Could have been one or two, or all.

For many women, this bumper sticker expresses their true emotions and constitutes absolute, unalterable, infinite, infallible truth: men are to blame for the problems in their lives. Changing a line from my friend Pat Morley, many women only know enough about men to be disappointed in them. The fact is many women are full of rage toward the men in their lives, and therefore, men in general.

Justifiably so. Flip through a newspaper any day of the year and you’ll find that most of the perpetrators of family and societal crimes and misdemeanors are men. Men statistically commit more crimes of all types than women. Men are the causes of so many problems in American culture that if we help men we help our country. Transform men and you’ll transform the world. I believe that a church will never grow beyond the spirituality of its men. Look around at churches that are effectively carrying out the Great Commission and you’ll see many men deeply involved in that church, men who are growing spiritually and providing leadership.

Advantages of Ministry to Men


It’s time for us as a denomination to move more consciously and deliberately into discipling men. Here are some advantages for pastors and churches, which emphasize developing their men:

We glorify God by developing men: The early Church Father Irenaeus said, “The glory of God is a man fully alive.” That is true of men and women of course, but in our world seems especially potent with men. When a man understands his actions and their motivations, but by God’s grace doesn’t remain stuck in his unproductive ways, that gets his attention. Many men would love to move out of their immaturity and immorality, but they don’t know how. Since their own fathers did not consciously develop them, they don’t know how to live and relate as a mature man, much less know what defines a man. Often they get their idea of manhood from a dysfunctional earthly father, movies, TV characters or friends. A Christian man, however, can care for and befriend another man and point him to a gracious and good Father. When men “get it” in their soul that Christ connects them to the Father and the Father wants to build His sons, these undeveloped men grow like wildfire, bringing glory to God in their homes, communities, churches and world. After speaking at a men’s gathering recently, I talked with who shared his story: a work addiction, an affair, financial success, a near divorce, brokenness, repentance, and now investment in lives. This man illustrates the glory of God! I want my sons to meet him to let the glory seep into them.

We fulfill our mission: Which of course is the Great Commission. When a local church knows how to reach out to and develop men, it will gain huge momentum in reaching men inside and outside our churches. Eventually, their wives and children and extended family follow. Churches that understand the strains and stresses of men in their community can come up with their own ways to reach men. We can pursue the Great Commission without a programmatic approach to men’s ministry. In fact, to reach men, you must have a relational approach. Churches can each develop their own special niche in reaching men and helping churches grow.

Discipling men flows out of and helps us fulfill our Biblical polity. I love being a Presbyterian pastor in a denomination that takes seriously the development of elders. As a church planter, the first thing I did in our church was start a men’s discipleship group and begin to pour energy into men. I have developed all of our elders and deacons over the years, and in the process, become friends and co-laborers with those men with whom I would serve. Instead of experiencing adversarial relationships with elders as many pastors experience, my experience here has been enjoyable (though not perfect, of course). Developing men is what we, as the PCA, ought to be experts in doing. Developing men is central to our heritage and our biblical and theological convictions. We must develop men to follow Jesus’ model and revelation of true manhood, in head and heart.

Developing men encourages, supports and retains pastors. A friend who serves in a national ministry to churches tells me that 2,000 pastors a month leave the ministry, and many never return. Pastors regularly experience relational overload and production demand fatigue (every seven days, a new sermon needs to be at least as good as the week before). Leadership demands more than our training provided. Sin is our business, but so many people today come from broken homes and are dysfunctional. They bring their issues into congregational life and pastors have to deal with those VDP (Very Draining People, as Gordon MacDonald titled them). Pastors are in more pain than they let on and than their congregation knows. We’re public people who are critiqued, criticized and demanded of as much or more as we are loved, encouraged and supported. I’ll tell you what has helped me stay in the church I started for seventeen years: the men I discipled and trained who became my friends, officers, and mighty men who stood by me through the normal (but often challenging) times of being a pastor. Pastors who make developing men central to their ministry will find that they will be able to weather the storms of ministry better.

An assured productive use of time. When churches develop men, they will reap good results, and a pastor is assured that his investment will pay off for the church and kingdom goals.

Strategy


How do we build men’s ministry in our local churches? Pastors ought to focus on developing men by delegating some of the normal pastor work to other staff and gifted members. Intentional effort from the top is crucial. In terms of church wide men’s ministry, I know of no better strategic model than that advocated by Man in the Mirror, founded by long time PCA member Patrick Morley (see the next article). Many of the top management of MIM are PCA members and graduates of Reformed seminaries. Developing a strategic alliance with MIM would be a great idea.

I think the greatest days of the PCA are ahead. More than ever our culture needs men who have been consciously developed and developed well. A man will never reach true manhood without a personal relationship with the living God, through Jesus Christ, who models perfect manhood and deity. So, let’s do it! Let’s develop men, reach families, build churches, win the lost, and change the world. Let’s take men’s ministry to heart.

Dr. Pete Alwinson is Senior Pastor at Willow Creek Church, PCA in the Central Florida Presbytery.

What Would Jesus Do?

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bob.jpgWWJD – What would Jesus do? It’s a question that was recycled from a book written over 100 years ago. It became a fad that quickly faded. But what would it mean to take the question seriously?

The evangelical church in the United States has trouble identifying just what kingdom living entails. It’s another way to ask WWJD. Many would suggest we ought to try to win as many people as possible to the exclusion of any other task. An extreme version of this would see secular employment as only a means to the end of evangelism.

Without detracting from the great command to make disciples, there is another command – to subdue the earth. That is to cultivate it. That command has never been abrogated.

For the most part, however, it would appear that we Christians are not unduly exercised about being kingdom disciples. That’s undoubtedly one reason pollsters contend there is little difference between those who claim allegiance to Christ and everybody else. Christians in the United States seem far more attuned to middle class American culture as expressed in their communities than the desires of Jesus.

That’s a stinging indictment. Yet Christians have a propensity to hear such things, perhaps even feel guilty, but have little motivation to do anything differently. In fairness, anything different would be counter-cultural and could have a ripple effect with profound consequences.

For instance, a relatively small minority of Christians advocates a simpler lifestyle. In theory many Christians agree with some aspects of that desire. But consider some of the difficulties:

1. Consumer spending is the engine that keeps the American economy going. If large numbers of people cut way back on spending we would experience a significant economic downturn. Those who produce “stuff” need us. This is despite indications that the more we have the less happy we become.

2. There are expectations that come from our children. When our daughters were little we had a lunch box issue at the beginning of every school year. They had to take their lunch in a lunch box. A paper bag wouldn’t do. But it couldn’t be just any lunch box. There were just a few deemed acceptable by the other kids. And it seemed that most years we bought the wrong one.

3. There are expectations that come from our community. For the most part these are not expressed in words but attitudes. Cell phones have moved from the province of a select few to the mass market. If you don’t have a cell phone (I’m still holding out), it’s obvious you’re out of step.

4. We’ve got our own desires too. I’ve got a car with over 200,000 miles on it. It’s beat up but it runs fine. Yet I find myself watching the new car ads regularly. With all the price competition it’s stirring a desire in me for some new wheels.

Which lunch box a child carries or which car a person drives are not intrinsically moral issues. Yet these decisions shape us.

A few will sacrifice for the sake of Christ. Consider the lady who is giving everything away so that the work of the kingdom can prosper. And the medical doctor who left a thriving practice to work with children who live on the street. The physician who retired early to treat the homeless. The couple that moved into the inner city. They experience poverty as they minister to the impoverished. But these are dramatic illustrations.

Consideration of the kingdom ought to guide us in every endeavor. That consideration is always in danger of being trumped by the quest for success and status. It’s bad enough that such desires detract from the kingdom. On top of that we live in a society where those who have achieved success are held up as models. This is as true in the Christian community as it is elsewhere. A life of sacrifice may be admired but it is seldom imitated. Couple that with our propensity toward evil and kingdom values can easily be suppressed or distorted.

So how do ordinary people like us attempt to influence society with Christian values? Scripture urges us to look after the fatherless and widows (James 1:27). Single moms have been with us for a long time. Micah asked, “What does the Lord require of you?” His answer, “To act justly (treat people fairly) and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8). At times fairness is not enough. To show mercy is to risk being used. This is more than a prescription for an exemplary life. It is what it means to walk with God — what it means to influence society with Christian values.

Suffice it to say that it is in the church that we ought to learn what it means to be messengers of grace wherever we are. It is in this context that we are to make disciples. We have the great privilege of self consciously bringing the influence of God’s kingdom to a society dimly aware of his nature and purposes.

Just so we get it right. More things are caught than taught.

A Time to Evaluate

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I’m the Director of Discipleship Ministries at Covenant Church in Fayetteville, Georgia. For over a year we’ve been doing an in-depth evaluation of our Christian education efforts. Evaluation should be a regular part of everything we do.

We’ve looked at our community. Who we are reaching. Who we’re not. A large number of African Americans are moving into what we consider our “parish.” How is it possible for us to become a more racially integrated congregation?

We’ve looked at our purpose against the backdrop of the church’s broader purpose. We want “to introduce people to Jesus and help them grow in their relationship to him and to others.” The short version is “Reach and teach to love and serve.” That’s our summary of discipleship.

We’ve looked at our curriculum. Does it do what we want? Are there ways we need to supplement? We’ve checked attendance records. How are we doing relative to the community and to the church ministries? We interviewed teachers and leaders. What do they think they have achieved?

Then we took a further step, one that the church’s Christian Education committee thought was a natural outgrowth of our analysis. We decided to interview young people who spent a substantial part of their growing up years in the congregation. We invited six young adults to join a round table in which they assessed the impact of the congregation’s efforts on their behalf.

When I mentioned to them what we were doing, the response was basically, “What a gutsy thing to do.” But we didn’t think of it that way. In fact, I would favor such a discussion with some who had dropped out of church somewhere along the way.

It is God who changes hearts. But for whatever reason, he has chosen to use us. I believe he is most pleased when we do the best we’re able to do. To put it another way, a teacher hasn’t taught until the student has learned. With the gospel, learning is used by the Spirit to produce change – in our thinking, our desires, and our activities. So it makes sense to see what the product looks like. It also makes sense to assess the perceived impact our efforts have made.

In this case we were affirmed. Certain teachers and leaders stood out. The overall assessment was that they were grounded in our theology and sensitized to the importance of relationships. Mission trips opened their eyes to God’s will for his people everywhere. They were taught to serve. The biggest weakness discussed was the availability of programming for those recently out of high school.

The next step in our process is to talk with a larger cross section of the congregation to brainstorm where we go from here. Out of that, goals and strategy will emerge.